The dress rehearsal went on without them, as it had to, leaving Scooter and Rowlf to compensate for their absences.
An odd sketch featuring the Koozebanians went by with comparative smoothness before it was time for Fozzie’s monologue. Rowlf read through the painstakingly crafted gags, looking rather perplexed as he hit what he assumed were supposed to be punch lines. “I guess ‘wocka, wocka’ just doesn’t sound the same coming from me,” he mused philosophically when no one cracked even a smile. It didn’t help that they were all hospital jokes.
Having played the bear for a few minutes, Rowlf was happy enough to hop off the stage and into the pit, joining the mayhem for their latest foray into classical music. In light of the accident, some of the energy that usually crackled in the air had dissipated. Nobody could deny with any honesty that the band’s performance fell short of their usual high standard. Not even Animal wanted to fire off the cannon again.
Fortunately, Rizzo’s absence had not impacted the rehearsal directly as he was only in a few choruses, but the other rats had gotten a little out of control, arguing amongst themselves about who their interim leader would be, in case he didn’t return. The dress was going terrifyingly according to plan, lacking that wild spark of madness that distinguished The Muppet Show from anything else out there.
Piggy had already done her big opening number at least, leaving only the Best of Broadway Medley that she was missing. In the great Muppet spirit of making do, Scooter dug up a blonde wig and the lyrics she was supposed to sing before marching on stage with as much boldness as he could muster. He didn’t even bother singing the lines, just read them in time to fill in the holes. Most of the cast and crew had caught up on the gossip by this point, and knew why their mezzo-soprano lead had taken to speaking in a youthful tenor. It threw everyone off a bit, but they pushed through the medley anyway, with only a minimal amount of pointed comments about ‘Miss Scooty’s’ new hairstyle.
Scooter was thoroughly grateful when it was over.
Having run it as best they could to the end of the show, Scooter and Rowlf next sat down to consider what they should do if Piggy was unable to perform the next night, as seemed likely.
“You look good as a blonde.” Scooter made a face at Rowlf and quickly took off the wig, the attempt at levity falling flat on deaf ears.
“That got us through for now, anyway, but what about tomorrow night?”
“Well, there’s only two options, change the numbers... or find another lead.”
“The show’s tomorrow. Not much time to do either.” Scooter rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m too young for this kind of stress.” Rowlf smiled sympathetically.
“You never know... she might be alright by the show. Goodness knows Miss Piggy doesn’t like to miss a number.”
“We could ask Annie Sue to do it.” Scooter sighed heavily. “Piggy would just love that. Then I could spend some nice time relaxing in the same hospital. Maybe we can share the same room.”
Rowlf steepled his nimble fingers before looking seriously at the go-fer. “I hope she’ll be in good enough shape to express her opinion about that by tomorrow.”
“Yeah... I hope she’s alright too. Shouldn’t we have heard something by now?”
“These things take time, and when it comes to doctors, no news is good news... trust me.” The two Muppets sat together then in uneasy silence, pondering their next decision.
“Any suggestions in the Book?”
Even halfway around the world, the frog had not abandoned them entirely. Before he left, Kermit hadcreated a sizable reference book titled: “In Case of the Inevitable”. In it, he had listed a slew of potential, and probable, disasters that might come up, along with step-by-step instructions for dealing with those disasters. The entries in the book ranged from the mundane, everyday disasters like the chapters titled, “Handling Hecklers” and “What to do if ___________ eats ______________”, all the way to a hefty chapter simply titled, “Piggy.” Nearly all of the entries in that chapter ended with the number of a classy florist. Naturally, they had taken some pains to ensure Piggy had not see then the Book. The last words in Kermit’s chef-d’oeuvre were simply, “If all else fails, call me.”
