“That was a lot easier than I expected it to be.” Fozzie’s voice floated past Scooter’s ears where he stood peeping uneasily at Gonzo from the wings.
He turned to see Rowlf and Fozzie approaching, glowing with success. “Things are never easy around here,” Rowlf was saying, “except that really was.”
“You know, I don’t know why Kermit worries so much. If you just relax, things just come together again perfectly.” Scooter fought back the urge to whimper at Fozzie’s blithe attitude.
“Janice was a good sport though.”
“Oh, yeah, and you know, she’s fast with a steel chain, too. I didn’t know that about her.”
“Animal didn’t stand a chance.”
“Nope. It all worked out according to plan.”
“Yep. Feels good. You have to admit though, Fozzie, she’s a better looking woman than you are.”
“Yeah. That’s okay. Most women are.”
Feeling the slightest twinge of bitterness, Scooter practically attacked them as they reached him. “We’ve got a problem guys.”
“Lay it on me, I’m batting a thousand today!” Rowlf and Scooter looked at Fozzie doubtfully.
“Backstage.” He corrected fluidly. “Backstage, I’m batting a thousand today.”
“Well, that’s too bad,” Scooter said calmly, because our problem is on stage right now.”
“That’s the second most common place for our problems to be.” Rowlf chuckled easily. Scooter glared at him. “Gonzo’s out there, right?”
“Right!”
“So, let him handle it. He likes problems. It’s all part of the fun for him. Don’t worry about it. He, I don’t know, laughs, in the face of danger.”
“Not anymore.”
“Not anymore? What does that- whoa!”
Scooter pushed the bear and the dog towards the stage until they were in danger of being spotted by the audience. “Just listen.”
“Ladies and gentlemen! What I am about to do willnotshock and amaze you.”
“That’s shocking!”
“That’s amazing!”
Unlike dear Fozzie, Gonzo knew well enough to ignore the two old guys and he continued on without an iota of hesitation. “But before that, I have a tremendous announcement to make, so if you’re sensitive I’m going to ask you to leave now, for your own safety.”
Confused murmurs rose up from the audience but no one moved.
Gonzo shifted in a rare moment of self-perceived awkwardness. “Really,” he tried again, “this is big news. So you go on ahead and step out, I’ll wait.”
The murmurs swelled in volume, but still no one moved. Scooter watched in a sort of fascinated horror as the crowd grew restless and irritable.
“I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer unfortunate medical consequences as a result of-“
“Spit it out, already and get on with the show!” For once, it wasn’t Statler or Waldorf crying out, but a member of the audience.
Other voices began chiming in with almost frenzied delight.
“Bring on the stunts!”
“Yeah, that’s what we came to see!”
“Hooray for Gonzo the Great!”
