Starving for the sun

Poppy

Bella asked Carlisle once if vampires have flowers in their chests like humans do when she first found out what was happening. He had given her a curious look before telling her that there have been some cases that he was aware of.

He told her of vampires who don't breathe anymore because flowers fill up their lungs and of vampires who have flower buds sprout from their marble skin and bloom despite centuries of not seeing the sun.

Vampires who smell of the flowers buried in their chests. Vampires who beg the Volturi to break the already broken pieces because who wants to live forever knowing that they can never stop loving that one person.

He called it tragically beautiful. Bella can't help but agree with him.

She now knew her answer to the question that she dare not speak out loud. Vampires can't die from the flowers invading their chests but that didn't mean it was cured once the venom took over.

The beeping from the oven timer brings her out of that memory as the smell of pizza makes her stomach growl. Charlie left a while ago to go fishing and she skipped breakfast because she was cleaning her room and searching the web again, she had found some home remedies that might help.

She had texted Edward earlier that she wanted to be left alone today and wasn't planning on going anywhere and so far he still hasn't responded but she doesn't care.

Cutting her a slice and sitting at the table she takes her phone out and debates on calling Jake, she hadn't spent time with him in a while. She was also thinking about telling him about what's happening. He was Jacob, her best friend and she knew he had a right to know.

Besides it was Sunday, school starts tomorrow and she didn't know if she was ready for that.

Jake comes over right as it starts raining and he gives her a big hug and holds on a little longer than usual, apparently she underestimated how much he missed her. "God it's been forever." He gives her a bright smile and she cant help but return it, she's missed him too.

"How have you been? It's been a while since we got the hang out without blondie sulking in the corner." He slightly jokes and she agrees. Edward didn't like her hanging out with Jake because he could turn into a giant dog, he always had to be there whenever he visited her and always had to add his two cents in the conversation.

"You know, just school and homework." She wants to spare him of her news, not yet she keeps telling herself even if a voice adds that she's running out of time.

"Come on, I picked out a few movies to watch while it's still raining." She motions to the living room and he gives her a smile as he heads to look at the movies and she checks the two pizzas in the oven.

Bella missed hanging out with Jake, she missed his humor and habit of spoiling the movie they were watching because he's already seen it even if it annoyed her to no end. She's missed how polite he was because he doesn't eat both pizzas without asking if she wants some first. She misses how he reminds her of dirt roads and sandalwood and later when she's watching him work on her truck and talking about what's wrong with it and what he was doing to fix it, she finds that she doesn't miss how he reminds her of the smell of metal and oil when working.

Fluorescent lights, a row of expensive cars, and bright golden eyes flash into her mind.

Bella stops breathing because it feels like she's drowning just a bit more than before and the tickle of the petals coming up makes her shudder. She scrunches her eyes closed and swallows despite the pain. They will not meet the sun right now, she will not allow it.

Jake asks for a tool that she doesn't remember the name of before she excuses herself to get a drink because her chest is tightening and she wants to cry. The pain only intensifies when she reaches the kitchen and she barely fills a glass with water before she can't hold it back anymore.

Red and White are such pretty colors, Bella thinks to herself.

The sink looks like a canvas that she painted and she wishes that was just it, an abstract painting. But the flower petals and blood tell her something else, this isn't a painting. This is her pain.

She's trying to get her breathing under control when she hears the front door open and all she wants to do is curse and scream at the love that's planted itself in her heart but she can barely breathe, her lungs don't want to work.

"Bella?"

She didn't expect him to come back inside so quickly, she thought she still had time. But she knows she can't hide this, not now. She barely has enough strength to keep her grip on the sink as she hears footsteps come closer.

Bella hates crying, hates it with a passion but at that moment she can't help but cry. The pain is spreading and burning and she can feel the branches growing and she wants it to stop. Why can't it stop?

What idiot told everyone that love doesn't hurt? That love couldn't kill?

Jake helps her to the couch in the living room, he doesn't judge her nor does he scold her for keeping it from him. But now he knows, and she knows he has a million questions but he waits for her.

It takes her a little longer than usual to be able to breathe without her lungs feeling like they are being stabbed every time she inhales. She's beyond thankful when he brings her a bottle of water and some pain meds and even though she knows that he has to clean up her mess in the kitchen she's glad that it's Jake and not Edward. Bella wipes away her tears with the sleeve of her jacket and takes a shaky breath that makes her lungs ache, she had cried enough today.

She didn't notice that the menu to the movie was still going and she cant help but think that she'll miss little things like this when she's gone. The music from the DVD menu playing on loop barely reaches her ears as she finally swallows the two pills Jake gave her.

A few moments later and she feels the pain dulling and she can't be more grateful for Jake than she was in that moment, he was here with her and now she didn't have to hide.

"Bella?" She looks up to see Jake standing at the end of the couch and he looks lost and scared and not at all like the big strong confident guy that he brags about being. She gives him a small smile and pats the cushion next to her, she wants him to know she's okay and that she's ready to talk even if talking makes it hurt.

He doesn't say anything as he sits down next to her, she knows that he's still trying to process what's going on and she gives him the time. "Edward?" He asks and she cant help but shake her head before he's even finished, he never thought that Edward loved her like he always said he did, he was too controlling. "No," Her voice cracks and she clears her throat and places a hand over her heart when she feels just a tad too much pressure in her chest. "No not Edward."

"Who is it?" He sounds afraid to ask and she doesn't blame him, anybody would be scared to ask that question no matter the answer.

Can she say her name? Will it stir up the flowers in her chest even more? It hurts just thinking about her, it hurts to dream about her. Will saying her name out loud, will admitting it to someone else make the pain tenfold?

Bella looks down at her hands resting in her lap because she can't look at him anymore. Will he think of her any differently? Will he leave when she tells him? She didn't want to lose Jake.

"You don't have to tell me." He places his hand over hers and she knows he's being genuine, he doesn't want to push her even though he's dying for answers.

Who did she love so much that it caused this to happen? Who couldn't love her? Who was responsible for her pain?

She gives him a smile that tells him how much it would mean to say the name out loud, how much it would hurt. Jake can see the pain in her eyes, her posture, the way she's holding his hands in her own. The pain meds he gave her were helping but they could only ease her suffering to an extent.

"Rosalie."