Starving for the sun

White

...

Flowers are such beautiful things. Petals and thorns, branches grow and sprout buds that bloom like they are grateful to the sun.

The flowers inside her chest do not have the pleasure of feeling the sun and it’s warmth but that doesn't stop them from blooming and taking up precious space that’s not accommodated for such beautiful creations.

Bella wishes that there was no pain that comes with the flower petals making their way up her esophagus and spilling out like art that’s meant to represent something else entirely. Her lungs burn, there is a sting in the back of her throat and the taste of copper on her tongue but she doesn't breathe.

Her hand tightens around the petals but she doesn't look at them. She knows the flowers growing and branches intertwining between her lungs, ribs and heart like she knows the different shades the color of gold can be.

Bella takes a breath through her nose as she tries to forget the ache that seems to increase in her chest as she looks in the mirror. She’s played it off like the flu and everyone believed her, she’s gotten good at that, lying. Just like she’s gotten good at hiding the flower petals whenever they choose to finally meet the sun.

She never thought that this would happen to her, of course she’s heard stories of one sided love and how petals, thorns, and even seeds make their way up until the person can't breathe anymore, the plants greedy for the sun they have been denied.

Stories about how much it can hurt and how it feels like you’re drowning above water. To some people it would be best to not feel anything at all anymore, they don't want the pain that comes attached to this beauty that doesn't look cruel. Others are reminded of their love that will rarely be returned whenever overcome with coughing fits and the blood mixed with petals that never seem to dwindle that rest in the palm of their hands.

She finally looks down at her still clenched hand and uncurls her fingers to be met with a few petals from a white carnation that are surprisingly still a pure color, a symbol of eternal love, if she remembered correctly.

White carnations are her favorite.

The trash bin swallows the petals that have come from the love that's planted itself inside her chest and the water from the faucet runs over her hands until they feel clean. She wishes it was that easy, that simple, but when was anything in her life ever simple.

The bell ringing out through the intercom reminds her that school is over. Edward will be waiting for her in the parking lot and she just wants to stay here. Why cant she just stay here and for a moment not feel the branches tightening around her heart and squeezing her lungs until it feels like she can't breathe? Just a moment, that's all she wants. Just a moment without the feeling of love spreading through her breastbone accommodated with the pain that her feelings won't be returned.

With a defeated sigh she rinses her mouth out with water and dries her hands before grabbing her backpack. He’ll come looking for her if she takes any longer and she knows he will find her in a heartbeat.

The hallways are empty as she makes her way towards the doors, students already gone and teacher’s keeping to their classrooms to finish grading papers and making sure they have everything together before the weekend starts.

The weather is always gloomy in Forks and she’s gotten used to the almost constant clouds and spurts of rain that come out of nowhere. The entire town just feels like there is something simmering just beneath the surface and if you look hard enough and search in just the right places you’ll find the answer.

She grips the strap to her bag tighter when she sees him leaning against his car, sunglasses on like the sun is too bright but she knows better. He looks just as brooding as when he gave her a ride to school that morning because her truck was acting up.

She doesn't see anyone else in the parking lot, seems like she took longer than she intended and she didn't hold back the sigh of relief that escaped her lips. “Bella what took you so long?” Edward stands up straight and takes his sunglasses off as she comes to a stop before him. She gives him an apologetic smile as she shrugs her shoulders at his question. “Sorry, upset stomach.” The lie is easy as it rolls off her tongue, like honey. “Oh,” His fingers fiddle with the sunglasses. “Did you want to go home and hang out or did you still want to come over, I’ve been working on some music.” He sounded hopeful but she didn't want to be alone with Edward anymore today even more than she wanted to be in a house full of vampires with supernatural hearing. She never knew when the flowers making their home inside her would release petal with a chance of seeing the sun. She didn’t want them to know and she definitely didn't want Edward to find out.

“I’m kind of tired, I just want to go to bed.” She tells him as she opens the passenger door and she hopes, no, she prays that he will listen to her, just once.

Edward drops her off at her house with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to see her later and Bella is grateful that Charlie is still at work. She drops her bag on the floor and flops down on her bed not even caring that she skipped lunch and should be hungry right now. She’s not in the mood to go back downstairs and look through the fridge for something to eat. She just wanted to sleep and not feel this pain that’s becoming all too familiar.

She dreams of the color of honey and red lipstick. Soft blonde hair and marble skin.

The next day is just lounging around and watching TV with Charlie and she’s glad he doesn't question whenever she goes into a coughing fit and has to leave the room, he just simply asks if she’s okay and she tells the same lie she told everyone else.

The petals are now dappled in red and she wishes they were still the pure white color as the day before because that means it’s progressing. She looks down at the cup in her hand, the water has a red tint to it and a single petal floating at the top and she’s glad she’s already in the kitchen because she doesn't know how she would hide this from Charlie.

Edward called twice that day asking if she wanted to come over and she’s ignored him both times. She just wanted to have a day with just her and Charlie, no vampires and shapeshifters involved.

That evening Bella looks up cures to the flowers that tell of her one sided love. None of them are cheap and she knows if there was a chance at curing it then she’d have to tell Charlie but as she reads about the recommended surgery that will steal the seed latched onto her heart she realizes that the symptoms that come after are something she knows she doesn't want to experience.

Bella feels something stir in her chest and hisses in pain. It seems like the very roots of the flowers refuse to accept that she’s even thinking the idea of stealing them from their home. They want to make her beautiful, it’s their job to show her pain.

Her phone ringing next to her brings her back to the present as the pain dulls just a fraction. She glances at the caller ID and is not surprised that Edward is calling again. Ignoring him seems to get on his nerves and she just wished to have a day without him checking up on her. She doesn't answer and instead shoots him a text that tells him she’s still not feeling good and asked about his day.

Tossing her phone somewhere on her bed she looks back at the site she was looking at and the symptoms that came with the surgery that she was curious about. After glancing over it again and again she decided that she wasn't going to do that, no, she would find another way.

The buzz from her phone makes her jump and she closes her laptop before checking her phone and sees that he texted her asking if she wanted him to come over and give her company because he missed her, nothing about how his day went or that he hoped she felt better than yesterday.

Apparently the flowers in her chest like to remind her they are not for him because she starts coughing and petals after patels are coming up her throat and she wishes the burning would go away. Blood is staining her lips and the once white petals that meet the clean sink, it takes a good few minutes until she feels like she can breathe again. Her chest aches and there is a stinging pain beneath her ribs.

She wished they would stop growing, just stop and let her breath.