[Moonsun] Motherhood

Ch.15

Byulyi was hugging Yongsun from behind on the sofa after the film ended. Their partner's presence was so comfortable, no one wanted to pull away first to get back to their bedroom.

(They didn't plan to sleep soon anyways.)

- Byul-ah? - The elder hesitantly spoke up. - Sleep?

- Hmm? No, I haven't.

- I have something to say... - She turned to her.

- I'm all ears.

As if a switch was turned on, she poured her heart out to the other woman. Yongsun couldn't quite guess her emotions when she was too deep in thought to show a clear expression on her face, but her slight smile was definitely not what she expected.

- Why are you so tense? How did you think I would react? - Byulyi lightly teased. - For a second I even thought you were trying to tell me you are pregnant.

- I- I honestly have no idea.

- Well, firstly, I have to thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. - The lawyer gently caressed her girlfriend's cheek. - I've also dying to tell you this but couldn't find the right words. How can I put it? People around us generally can't understand all how we feel at the loss of a forming human inside us that wasn't even born yet, and I didn't want to hurt your feelings Yongsun, but I know even you're unable to truly in my shoes and feel what I felt during these days. 

Yongsun nodded in agreement, relieved to know she also acknowledged that.

- Also, Seondal's existence shouldn't be a secret between us two only, Ddun. - It's been a long time since Byulyi last called her by this nickname, and oh how endearing it sounded. - Sooner or later people will forget her, and... I don't know, I just want someone else out there to know that there was so precious an angel who had been in my life, even though for a short time. So, Ddun, what do you think about...

- ... joining a support group? - Yongsun raised an eyebrow. - That's exactly what I'm thinking about. Meeting those who went through similar things like you is a great idea actually, and I will also know how to support you during the upcoming time.

- It always amazes me how we can be so in sync like that. - Byulyi softly pecked on her forehead. - Thank you and sorry, Yongsun-ah. You've been working so hard for me the past months.

- I don't mind going extra miles if it means you feel you're loved, Byul-ah. I'm just very drained right now. - Her heart throbbed. It was rare for her to see her lover expressing her true emotions.

- There are two things you need to know right now. One, I'm always willing to do the same thing for you, and two, you deserve a proper rest. I know you're pained too, so no more crying in silence like that night, okay? You are safe with me, so just relax and let me hold you when you're vulnerable.

Yongsun looked up at her in shock, and tears brimmed her eyes as she felt a wave of emotions washing over her. So she knew. She smiled and nodded affirmatively, before burying her head in her chest since she didn't want to cry anymore. Not now.

They fell into a comfortable silence, until Yongsun turned to glance at the clock and abruptly swatted Byulyi's hands away to get up, realizing that it was only five minutes before a new day started.

- Wait. - She curtly said seeing the confused expression on her face before quickly retreating to her room.

It took her a while to realize that tomorrow was her birthday. She had waited for that day so much since it marked the beginning of her expecting weeks, but after all those events she no longer had the mood to celebrate. What if- no, Byulyi shook her head to get rid of that thought. A what if would lead to other what ifs and she didn't want to once again torture herself with countless regret and pity.