[Moonsun] Motherhood

Ch.14

Yongsun turned over, the sun shining on her face making her frown. Still a little puffy from the silent cry last night, her eyes opened, and she realized Byulyi was no longer in bed. She looked at the clock on the nightstand and found a cup of water, a towel and something dark blue, soft and seemed to be made from wool. Sitting up, she reached for the object, smiling to see the unmistakable handwriting of a certain person on the little note attached by a safety pin.

"I'm waiting for you in the kitchen. It's really cold so wear something warm, and no, I'm absolutely not telling you to wear this, but it's up to you. *winking emoji*

Love, Moonstar."

She unfolded the object. The patterns were simple but tight, and the chosen type of yarn was very chunky and fluffy. Yongsun was amazed to recognize a yellow "Solar", the name she used for her signature and overseas trips, on the right corner of the scarf. "Stop," she told herself when she felt like crying again due to her being emotional.

She brushed her teeth, put on a coat and the scarf and almost flew to the living room. Slight disappointment at the seemingly quiet atmosphere soon went with the wind when she noticed her soulmate with arms crossing and head down on the desk. The chair beside Byulyi was already pulled out, and Yongsun sat down without making any remarkable noise. She rested her head on her crossed arms too, but she stayed awake as she observed the younger's sleeping figure.

Yongsun felt like she had failed her job as a psychiatrist when she couldn't stop Byulyi from suffering alone. Her Byulyi had always been like that, using work or alcohol to drift away from the bubbling emotions, until someone - mostly Yongsun - had to ask and reassure her that she was safe to release them. Honestly, her smile disappeared for a second earlier when she walked in the bathroom and saw a line of champagne bottles under the sink.

"This child..." She muttered. "You're going to be the death of me."

Did Yongsun blame Byulyi? Definitely. She hated that she couldn't fulfill her responsibility as partner like she promised. She hated that Byulyi had been so lonely all those days - and she too had to suffer in the process. But she understood and would always understand, because every person's reaction to loss and grief was different, let alone this was the first time she had to encounter such a traumatic event.

They would have to talk and communicate a lot, but Yongsun would consider this wool scarf a positive signal of her lover beginning to feel like opening up with her again.

For some reason she was now centimeters away from her face. Byulyi woke up and their noses were already touching. Neither even flinched, and the older woman looked at her so affectionately her heart felt full of feeling so loved.

A kiss lingered on Byulyi's head, and the younger woman melted as she rested her head on her chest. Yongsun put her hand behind Byulyi's back and patted rhythmically, soothing her.

- You feel warm. - Byulyi whispered. The other woman smiled. - I miss that.

- And I miss you. - Yongsun touched their foreheads. She no longer had to whisper this time.

- So do I, Yong. I-I'm sorry... I'm really sorry Yongsun-ah... - She choked at her words, at what she wanted to say. She wanted to beg for her forgiveness for not being there when she needed her, for the rage two weeks ago and the breakdown yesterday, for being so focused on her own pain that she ignored everyone else. Those apologies she said during the times she was drunk last nights, Byulyi wanted to tell her clearly, but no words came out from her throat.

- I get it, Byul. I understand. - Yongsun hugged her tightly. - I even have to thank you for finally letting me see your face and for the scarf. - She joked, but Byulyi just shook her head.