reminisce. - nomin

to heaven with you.

i was yet to be scared to find out that mark knows i like jaemin. i was scared, because i knew, i knew mark and jaemin have this type of chemistry. and everytime i see them, it really hurts. my heart breaks to see them in an instant second from afar. now, he knows. what if i would never be forgiven?

"jeno-ya," mark said while examining jaemin for presurgery.

"i never knew you had a crush on jaemin. why didn't you tell me? if only you told us none of this would happen."

it was a heartbreaking moment for me to hear. how did he know? how did he find out? did jaemin tell him before tragedy?

"i- did. i was scared to tell you because i already knew the chemistry y'all have held. and it breaks me because he was my first love,"

mark already opened his arms for me, and it was me explaining the whole thing. what if jaemin dies and we're all left out in a cruel world?

"jeno, i-i'm so sorry,"

why was he apologizing? shouldn't i apologize instead? i was the one who hurt jaemin right before the massacre happened.

"i should be the one who's sorry, hyung. please, i was the one responsib-"

"shh, you'll be okay."

it's not something i wished for, because jaemin's my childhood bestfriend yet i'm the one responsible because i might would've hurt jaemin. the time they moved to jeju with mark, haechan, renjun and i were left out in seoul. we were sad because jaemin wasn't there to be with us at ncit. then this month, i came to visit jeju but once i heard a gunshot, multiple times i found out jaemin's dying.

this will never be the next time love story i wanted it to be, and it will never have a happy ending.