Whenever I think that killing myself is the only way to runaway, I try to think of painless ways to execute it. But it's absurd, it's pain either way, if I live or if I die. If I have the correct resources to kill myself the painless way, I would've done it, but I don't have those yet, is this what's holding me back from killing myself? I guess I'll just wait till I hv the resources. But it's the same absurd argument back again, if I had the resources to get rid of the pain and the reason I'm killing myself, I would've done it, I can wait for things to get better too. Well, now it's waiting either way. Wait, but why am I afraid of pain, if I'm not afraid of death, and pain is the reason why I'm killing myself. Maybe I'm just using pain as an excuse, there's something else that's holding me back. Maybe it's the fact that what happens after death is not known to me and it doesn't guarantee that it'll help me runaway or maybe there's some other reason, maybe I don't wanna regret doing the stuff I've always wanted to do while I'm alive. On the other hand, if I live and things do get better, I'll still die someday, and maybe I'll also have some experiences which I'll say were worth living. Now it's death either way, it's just a matter of time but I'll end life on different terms. Life is the biggest gamble after death that one is determined to play. So I guess I'll stay. Or maybe I'll change my opinion about this in the future.
~ An extract from Nemo's Diary
YOU ARE READING
I'M TRYING BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL MAKE IT
No FicciónVarious diary entries of different people, when trying to understand what they're going through or what happened to them, or what's going to happen to them. Just a way to channel my thoughts and turn them into something creative. Cover Art - @Rosela...
