Recover

'I had to carry on and pretend'

At about seven mum came bounding in and ripped open my curtains. Light flooded the room. She opened my window and sang. I will repeat. Sang. She hugged me tight and said "God I missed you. Please remeber to let me know where you're going at least a few hours in advance next time. I thought about phoning the police! I'm glad you're home safe now. Love you!" She gave me a big sloppy kiss but left when she clocked my less than enthusiastic expression. I couldn't believe that for a few blissful seconds I had forgotten. It could have all been a dream right? Then I looked down at the bruises on my wrists and saw the bag of clothes in the bin. I gulped back the oncoming tears and resisted the urge to puke. I had to carry on and pretend. Mum musn't know. Nor could anyone at school. Ben had probably spread rumours and I needed to face them with lies.
I ate the toast Mum had prepared for me in the kitchen, showered and dressed in my uniform making sure to roll down my blazer sleeves to cover my wrists. I put my make-up on and sprayed my perfume. To the outside world - I looked normal. I walked to school and met my friends at the gates.
"Hi guys," I called out to them as I approached.
"Oh, hey!" Tiffany and Georgia replied. It felt so good to see them again although I desperately wanted them to notice something was wrong. But at the same time praying they wouldn't ask.
"So, anything new?" I asked them.
"A-ma-zing party last night. I can't believe you missed it!" Georgia exclaimed. "There were boys, alcohol and dancing all night!"
"Sounds fun. I was...um... doing homework last night. Had a lot to catch up on,"  I lied.
"Is that what you call it!" They giggled and looked at me. "We heard you slept out at Ben's last night!"
I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. What had he said? I couldn't do this.
"I need the loo, I'll meet you in class," I told them and rushed to the toilets.
I really didn't want to ruin my make-up but I was in shock. He said we'd done it. That made me sound like such a slut. I let a few tears run down my cheeks and into my mouth. Tiffany came in.
"Beth, are you in here? The bell's gone. It's time for class," she walked over to outside the cubicle I was in. I could see her feet underneath the door. I composed myself, wiped away the stupid tears and unlocked the door. The drab interior of the toilets greeted me; The tiles were cracked, paint peeling and the taps dirty - falling apart like the rest of my life.
"Time of the month. I'm ready now, let's go!" I washed my hands so as not to arouse suspicion, despite there being no soap, and we walked to class.
Everybody was gathered around Ella all gossiping. They stopped and looked up when we entered.
"Hi guys. Beth, I'm sorry...but you missed the best night. I can't believe you chose to hang out with your boyfriend instead of coming to the party of the century!" Ella exclaimed and the girls all nodded in agreement and started talking again.
"They did a bit more than hang out!" Georgia giggled. Suddenly all eyes were on me.
"You and Ben. Did it!!! OMG! I never thought you would. I'd say that was almost worth missing my party for!"
Ella awaited a reply.
"We..didn't really do it." I mumbled, trying to sound convincing.
"That's not what Ben told us this morning. Apparently you were at it till the early hours of the morning. And he went on and on about how good it was!" Georgia was smiling, happy to be the centre of attention spilling gossip that wasn't hers to share.
"Ben's lying," I said, a little too abruptly. "I left before he, I mean we, could do anything."
The teacher saved me from having to face their reply but confusion was written all over their faces. I'd have to speak them and try to make my version of events overpower his. I didn't want my reputation ruined.