Recover

'Nothing happened'

The rest of the day flew by. I felt detatched from everything going on and like I was physically there but my brain was far, far away. I kept replaying it over and over in my mind and trying to convince myself there was nothing  more I could have done to stop it. I said I didn't feel like it but he could have thought I was teasing? I did try to walk away and then get him off. Surely he realised. And now he was telling everyone we'd slept together implying it was consensual. He was showing off. It still seemed so surreal. He'd been such a lovely boyfriend, a real gentleman. He had waited and gone slow for me for almost a year. That's how long we'd been together. We often spent long evenings on the beach together just looking up at the stars and he'd take me for posh meals out.  I found notes quite alot in my pocket or my bag saying things like have a nice day or I love you. I had expected he wouldn't wait forever because he was older than me and we'd been together ages, but he'd never once before asked me about it or even mentioned it until a few weeks ago and then when I told him I'd think about it he was still calm then.
He was so sweet. Last night was very out of character. Like I said it started off so beautifully and he was so kind. I still don't understand why he didn't stop.
Tiffany interrupted my thoughts by tapping me on the shoulder.
"Class has finished. Honestly, away with the fairies today you are, what's up?"
"Nothing, just tired. Look, can you tell Georgia to stop spreading rumours about last night. I went round to Ben's but needed to catch up on homework. Unfortunately for you, nothing happened. No juicy gossip to fantasise about and distract from your boring love lives. If he's saying different he's lying and trying to get attention."
"Ok! Slightly scared now! I can so tell you're on-raging hormones!" Tiff pretended to look terrified and I laughed sarcastically.
We met Georgia at the gates and all walked home together. I texted mum and she allowed them to stay for the night, I wanted them with me. We went to their houses to collect their stuff as they only lived round the corner from me and we bought snacks and magazines from the post office. We had a long conversation with Mrs Jefferson who had owned the post office since it was built. She was friends with my mum and was very kind, especially taking interest in me and my friends giving us discounts and chatting endlessly with us.

Once home, the television was switched on and our favourite DVD inserted. The popcorn was poured out into a large bowl. We set out our sleeping bags in a row, changed into our pyjamas and cuddled up close. During the film we chatted and discussed the fit boys and outrageous celebrities in our magazines. It was so easy to talk to them, conversation flowed and we giggled and there was never a silent or awkward moment between us. That's what I loved about hanging out with Tiff and Georgia, they were never silent. We fell asleep entwined round each other at gone midnight.

In the morning we showered and got ready for school. We made our signature sleepover breakfast, pancakes with chocolate spread and raspberries. We did each other's makeup and then re-did it ourselves! Locking the house, Ben came up to us. He and I would usually walk in together. I wanted to run away screaming but I had to pretend as the girls were right behind me.
"Hey," I smiled sweetly. He came closer and pulled me into a hug. I removed his hands from around me and bravely whispered in his ear:
"Touch me or come anywhere near me again and I'll make sure everyone knows what you did."
He made an excuse to leave and blew a kiss to us. I gave him the evils and he got the message.
It felt so weird, mean almost. He was acting the same old nice Ben and I kind of wished we could still be together and forget what he did. But then the feelings returned of that night and nausea swept over me and I had to steady myself on Georgia. I focused hard on the ground so I wouldn't vomit. I couldn't just brush it under the carpet. He had ruined me and that night had scarred me and left me feeling self-conscious and unnatural. I hated how I felt and the way he was carrying on so that meant I had to too. He was treating it as if it was no big deal. Just some random hook-up.
"Are you okay?" Tiff put an arm round me. "I thought you were gonna puke."
"Just a bit dizzy. Fine now, let's go."