Remember When? // T. Muichiro x m!Reader

Chapter 6 - "What's Your Problem?"

A/N: May or may not have forgotten about the existence of this book for a few days and may or may not have remembered this in the middle of class and may or may not have forgotten about it again and remembered it just now, but idk interpret this however you'd like :eyeroll: (/s)
Anyway enjoy chapter

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TW: Various triggering things are included in this chapter, such as: Addiction, abuse, mental illnesses.

Also some gayness but that's what you're here for smh.

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'Why. Why ? Why.. Why???? Why?! Why the hell does this happen ?! Why can't I just be left in peace for the rest of my day ?? Am I atoning for some sort of sin today ? Am I being judged by some sort of God ? Is said God just trying to torture me for his own entertainment ? Is this what it is ?!' (yes) This is all Y/N could think of while looking at the three chatting as if nothing was going on. Because nothing was going on, just for him. He really felt like him and everyone else live in different worlds but it hit him so much harder than usual just now. Nobody really understands his pain, because they've never felt it. They say they get it, they say they're sorry, but it really feels like it's all just words of pity. Of pity and only pity. They dont really care, because this does not concern their well-being. As much as they all deny it, everyone is an individualist. So long nothing bad happens to their life, they won't truly care for what happens to others, unless they have some sort of codependent bond. Like how lovers or beat friends feel sad when their romantic or platonic partner has something bad happen to them.

He could very vividly recall the times when he would run sobbing to Muichiro. They weren't very old back then, just barely 7, but the other boy was just so soothing to Y/N he couldn't put it to words. No matter how much it hurt, where it hurt or how it hurt, he would make it go away, without doing anything special. They would just hug very tight and Muichiro would rub his back until he would stop crying. He once said that that's what his mother and
father do when he's crying and it helps. It really did help, it was true. He really wished they could go back to that, but it seems that not just him, but his ex-best friend too, suffer amnesia.

It was really tough to deal with, very troublesome too. He would forget deadlines, important projects, homework, sometimes his way home, his alarm, how to do certain things, that he was told things, that he made promises, where he put things, majority of his childhood. All sorts of stuff. He would forget everything, but his amnesia mainly had an effect on his short-term memory. For his childhood friend it seemed like it was quite the opposite- he realised. It felt awful, truly. His world was just crumbling apart.

The reason Y/N was so hurt by this and so panicky around Muichiro was that, having BPD, that boy was his favourite person. They had bonded so much overtime that the h/c boy was relying on him constantly to escape the toxic household he was living in, even for a little bit, because when they were together, it felt like they were the only two alive. Of course their happiness was later crushed by Y/N's parents, but that never stopped them from having fun the next day. In addition, Muichiro was truly a good listener and a good friend so whenever something bad would happen to Y/N he would be there to support him through it, but then he just left. They were 11 at the time, it hurt like hell when Y/N found out he was moving away and after that he spent the past 5 years of his life like a living corpse. Everything felt like he had no meaning. He fell into a great depression- greater than his already existing one- causing him to fall down the path of alcoholism much like his father, but ended up quitting before highschool started. He said he wanted a fresh start, because at the time he was feeling motivated to push himself back on his feet and continue life, but that was proven pointless when Muichiro re-entered his life. It made him want to relapse on everything ever after he found out that he was forgotten. Not only was Muichiro his coping mechanism and comfort person, he was also Y/N's first boy crush. Probably only boy crush, but it was the reason he realised he was gay as hell. Apart from being depressed he spent a lot of the time simping over male fictional characters for comfort, which only proved him being gay truer. It felt weird admitting to himself that he had a gay crush on his childhood best friend that would not go away no matter what he did, but he eventually came to terms with it and his identity as a whole. (sound familiar ????)

Soon Y/N realised he was just thinking to himself while blankly staring at his friends, sort of trembling, but what he failed to realise what just how long they were looking at him for. "Uh, are you okay ?" Zenitsu spoke up- it was a bit awkward for him, but he did it nonetheless. "Y-yeah ! I'm fine ! Sorry I was acting weird I was thinking about- stuff.. And I spaced out while staring at you guys. Haha-" Y/N replied and awkwardly giggled, taking a seat beside Tanjiro since was already seated next to an empty spot. "Sooo,, how are you guys ?" The e/c-eyed boy said with an anxious smile while sparing everyone else on the table quick glances. "I'm chill." the burgundy boy replied a bit hesitantly, the others nodding. "Me too-" Muichiro said but was cut off by Zenitsu, "Me three !" he said as if he was waiting to say that lame ass phrase his entire life, but he looked happy, so nobody said anything mean about it. "Cool, cool. I, too, am chill." the h/c-haired boy said, realising a bit too late that what he had said was a bit too formal until he heard everyone else giggle. Tanjiro nudged him a bit, in a friendly way. "You're an interesting type." he said and grinned warmly- it made Y/N blush a bit. "I'm flattered, heh." He giggled and covered his face, everyone else shooting glares at Tanjiro who seemed to be oblivious on the fact that he had just flirted with his friend.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a moment ?" Muichiro said suddenly, getting up from his seat with his hands still on the table, looking at Y/N, who was absolutely terrified. "S-s-s-su-sur..e??" He said nervously as his felt the boy grab his arm and drag him out of the store. "I wanted to ask you something." The teal-tip-haired boy said truthfully, looking at the ground. "A-ask away??" Y/N spoke, not really meaning to stutter, but he could not help his anxiety. "What is your problem with me ? You act weird when I'm around, as if you despise me..." He said, his gaze fixated on the ground. "E-eh ??? No ! No no no no ! You've got it all wrong, you just cause me great emotional pain and existential dread just by existing-" the h/c boy widened his eyes and slapped his hand over his mouth, waving the other. "N-not in the bad way !! I just- I miss how we were. I didn't mean to say that or come off as rude. I just miss you." Those last words made the offended and sad expression disappear from Muichiro's face, replacing it with a blank one, as he let out a sigh. "I see. If we knew eachother before, I'm sorry. I have a hard time remembering things- I don't know if I've warned you." he said calmly, then continued. "I apologise for any pain I've caused you, it seems like I may have been important to you if you're so upset over it. It can't be helped-" He was then cut off by a hug. A tight and warm one. It was sudden but he accepted it, wrapping his arms around the boy that was around the same height as him. And so they stayed there for a little bit.

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A/N: This was weird to write kind of lost my train of though half way, might be kinda ass ngl.