Just Between Us

48

Stefani's POV

Hmmm..

"Y'all kissed" Rachel repeated herself.

"I'm aware," I sat on my bed side contemplating my thoughts as I looked at my empty luggage.

"Okay but stefani y'all kissed," Rachel said it again.

"I know that," I reminded her.

"But like- y'all kissed!"

"Rachel goddamnit I know that!" I threw a pillow at her and her caffein dosed ass caught it.

"Why aren't you reacting!?" She whined.

I am reacting.

Hell, even I'm trying to find the words to describe what I'm processing. I don't know how to put it, I'm not feeling butterflies, nor am I disgusted that I kissed Veronica. I don't feel conflicted either because Lillian made it clear she's doesn't want anything intimate with me-

I mean-

I didn't realize we were heading down that road until she brought it up... I've never been in an relationship before but I know there is some seriously deep rooted chemistry between me and Lillian.

And when she did bring up that we were heading down that road, it didn't sound like a bad idea either..

But still.

Doesn't change the fact she wanted me to back off from her, I vividly recall that conversation. I'm just- not as upset as I was before. I'm conflicted if Veronica's upbringing after the situation is the cause of it and if so... I have serious problem on my hand.

I know Lillian doesn't want to be involved with me intimately. And now Veronica is involved as her interests are clear with me.

But what do I want?

I shouldn't have to pick. It's wrong. I feel like my dad just laying down my thoughts and I'm gonna barf.

"Stef, talk to me. You're doing that thing where you're death staring the ground," Rachel placed her hand on my shoulder and I sighed.

"I just don't want to be like my dad. That's all I ask while I'm alive," I groaned.

"It's not like you're sleeping with them both, plus Veronica wanted to talk to you about the kiss after her shift. She probably wasn't expecting this either," Rachel did her best.

"I feel like if I'm struggling to choose, I shouldn't bother with either," I reasoned.

"All the cards have not been laid out yet, chill," Rachel giggled knowing I have no clue to the first thing about romance.

A car door in the parking lot caught both of our attention as knocking on the door followed up.

"I'll be in the kitchen ordering pizza, I'll leave you two," Rachel got up to go get the door. My thoughts are still mushed and I've yet to even get the well deserved rest I know that's long overdue.

Small knocking on the room door made me avert my eyes and Veronica stood in her work clothes and an exhausted but happy smile.

"Let's just get straight into yeah? I can see you've yet to get any rest- eye bags," she giggled as she pointed out my misery and I cursed under my breath.

"How was work?" I scooted over and she sat next to me to take out her bun and her hair was in waves.

"Thankfully, everyone prefers going to parties than being in an cafè on Friday nights," she giggled and I listened attentively.