Just Between Us

92

Stefani's pov

Sigghhhhhh

I can't handle anymore pressure or stress. I'm so pissed I couldn't go to the place me and mom would go to over the holidays.

I honestly thought it'd be sentimental to being Lillian along, but now I just want to go alone altogether. It's like my personal happy place because there were never any bad memories there.. they were always good. The only time there were any bad moments was when it was time to leave and go back to the city...

I have no room to breathe; people with last minute requests and demand- my dad in this case. Now I have to actually try to make a good first impression with people I had no itent on meeting this soon.

What if I fuck up?

Im bound to. I know I have a heart and I'm capable of being a people person- I'm friends with Rachel and Veronica for fuck sake.

I understand that this is important, I want to tell her that I feel empty handed bringing myself- my presence into such a loving family, look at her; she's pure, bright, so full of everything that's good and it goes right back to the one's that's raised her to her becoming.

Me on the other hand..

All I have is darkness, pain, trauma, selfishness and mommy issues compared to Lillian.

I can't possibly equip myself for this.

What's my timeline? I haven't accomplished a damn thing like Lillian.

She's served, worked with children- hell, Carter had to be her greatest success story of her career. She's a retired nurse, looks so fucking young for her age- what the fucking hell.

All I've done was admit my feelings to her in private plotting the day we'd go public but I can't even tell them that.

What the hell do I bring to the table when the table is already at full capacity?

I'm googling the nearest gym by her parent's home. I can't. I'll just take everything out there so I can somewhat keep my composure for the time being..

I wish I could tell her what's going on in my head, I did but she didn't take it as seriously as me.

Why???

No, it's because she sees me as the step daughter that's going to meet her family, not her lover.

That's the whole point of this; for kent to make his first appearance as a proper love suit for Lillian to her family. This isn't about me, it never was.

Im just the step daughter.

Jeez.

When did I become this sensitive?

I can't help it, she's not looking at this the way that I am, I envy kent so much right now.

On top of that, Veronica is flying back to her home town and coming back the first of January for the opening of her gym. "Utopia" is one hell of a name. I'm glad she's pursuing her passion for helping others reach their fitness goal and obtain proper health in a profitable position.

Rachel is in Ireland with her grandfather and god knows what her household is in. Her mom is all over the place with her partners. Last I checked was after the first time I met Lillian and she something about her mom with a guy and what not- god it was so wild, I couldn't even bother trying to remember it.

"Buckle up, we're landing," our captain informed and I shrugged going over to my luggage.

If a nineteen year old is what I'm seen as, so be it for the circumstances. It's just the circumstances right? Whatever she said earlier.