fundamentals of love ; james sirius potter

28. time for the happily ever after

I dream up a nightmare. 

All my secrets are splashed out on the front pages of newspapers, all my smiles are fake, everything I do is analyzed to death by the public eye, and it terrifies me. It's not even that I wouldn't be willing to do it all for James, it's more of the fact I know I couldn't handle it. If I can't even live with my own opinions and thoughts, how would I ever live with everyone else's as well? If it's not praise, then I don't want it. 

Nobody ever tells you the dependency you form on being told your wonderful when you grow up putting school over almost everything. When I didn't have friends or plans on a Friday night, I had comments on all my assignments telling me I was great and that filled this large void of loneliness with validation that I was good, maybe even great, who cared if all the other aspects in my life were terrible as long as I got a hundred on my history essay?

So, when I wake up, I'm alarmed at the fact I don't know where I am and the fact I have no recollection of the night before except my terrible headache that's making me want to fall asleep once more. But I instinctively reach for my phone and it's meticulously at the nightstand, as usual, so even if I did get kidnapped at least the guy's nice, give me a day and the Stockholm syndrome should kick in. 

There's a missed call from Victor, the head of the History program, before I can even compose myself I'm calling him back. 

He picks up on the second ring. 

"Ellie," he greets me in his cheerful voice. "I realised it wasn't wise of me to call a nineteen-year-old so early on a Saturday, sorry about that."

"Don't even worry about it, it's okay. So, uhm, what were you calling about?"

"Oh yes, well since you'll be arriving here around three tomorrow on your time, that's important to remember, which is about nine in the morning here. Just remember go to the historical department at the ministry and they'll help you with every, I saw that you signed all the contracts already, thanks for that, it makes my life so much easier."

I put his call on speaker and open up the notes app. I'm jotting down everything he's saying because I most likely won't remember it in an hour. Go to the ministry two hours before I'm supposed to actually leave for there. When I get there, Rosie Thapa will be waiting for me. Make sure I packed everything I need, but not too overthink clothes too much because Rosie and I will go shopping the next day. And, no pets.

I'm sitting up, "Sorry, what?"

"No pets," he tells me. "There's just some international rules about that stuff. Sorry, I forgot to tell you that earlier."

I'm thinking about Camille, she's currently lounging around Jimmy's house, waiting for me. No more Camille? How am I supposed to survive this all, then?

"Okay, sounds good," I lie, "so, uhm, Victor, I know we were talking about having Mondays and Tuesdays off and then a week during Christmas. Do people usually come back home for that stuff?"

He's thinking about it, "Well, for Christmas, we all usually go back for that. But for everybody's two days, it's usually just getting some rest or going out to the city for whatever they need. Travelling continents once a week is exhausting. There's a place called Cusco about three hours by train, you'll need to try that once, amazing view, or else just apparate over because the wizarding community is huge."

I'm nodding though I already feel homesick. He tells me my first week we'll be just touring and getting comfortable and that I shouldn't worry too much.

"I was seventeen when I first started this job," he tells me, "the first year or maybe even two is always the hardest, but it also manages to go by really fast. Sometimes I can't believe that I've been doing this for fifteen years. They always tell you life goes by fast but you don't realise it until you're suddenly thirty-two and all your friends have kids."