fundamentals of love ; james sirius potter

20. it gets worse on sentimental poker night

"Hi, Ellie! This is Victor Ortega, I'm currently the head of the program over here. I'm sorry for calling back so late, we're still trying to figure out how to use these phones around the office. We're still hiring and just knowing Harvey likes you is a great sign for us. Send over that resume as soon as you can and we can go from there."

Harvey hands me my paycheck for August. "Summer really slipped away didn't it," he mutters, going over to the counter to make us some cold brews. "I always feel like it's such a reality flash when it ends."

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I think we all get caught up in the feeling of summer. You stop seeing things for what they are but instead put on summery lens romanticization."

How do you know what's real and what's not? Even as the dust starts to settle from the whirlwind of a summer, there are still so many things you can't really put your finger on.

As the drink floats over to me, I stare at it for a few moments. There are little bits of magic here and there, nothing is totally free of it. But, the thing is I find I've barely been using magic lately. The only times are when I'm either apparating or using the floo, but magic for transportation isn't even really magic in my mind.

"Sometimes, I just feel like I wasn't meant to be a witch," I tell Harvey while taking a sip of the coffee.

"Really?"

I nod. "The feelings have always been there, but lately, I just feel like I wasn't meant for this life. Something inside me has always told me that I'd be much happier as a muggle," I pause. "Is this one of those the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-moments? Maybe I'm just saying all this because I'm upset."

"Ellie, you give me bits and pieces and then ask me to put your life together," Harvey mutters. "Start from the beginning and then we can assess the situation."

So, I begin.

I'm telling Harvey about the after-party. I tell him as much about James as I can, how he's always so likeable and kind and how there's not a single person he can't become friends with. But, his friends are mean and how I'm the butt of the joke because I managed to date two people on the team. I'm nineteen though, I feel like I've learned not to care too much about the opinions of people I barely know. And it isn't their jokes I care about, it's the fact James laughed and didn't ever shut them down on their shit. It's degrading because that's the bare minimum and he didn't even do it.

When I tell Harvey that he went to Alice's house, he's ready to commit some very serious crimes for me.

A week has passed and James and I have made barely any contact. He's written to me once or twice but I've brushed it off, pretending I'm busy when the only I really do are work a nine to five at the coffee shop and then come home and take care of my cats and Sims family.

"What do I do, Harv?"

He's putting a piece of pecan pie in front of me, like my nonna, he also expresses his love through feeding a person too much. When he's putting some whipped cream on the already sugar-loaded piece, I understand why they dated when they were younger.

"I've never had a successful relationship, so take all my advice with a grain of salt," he starts. "Sometimes we like asking other people for answers instead of ourselves because we're scared of the truth. You know what to do, Ellie. I know you do. So why aren't you doing it?"

Because none of this is real.

Am I even allowed to be upset over this? I can't possibly because all our relationship is, is an eighteen-page contract with my signature in it about a dozen times. If you took it all away then we wouldn't even be here, this relationship that we've formed outside of our fake on isn't even natural, that's the worst part. It only became a thing because of the amount of time we spent together.