'A Time To Love & A Time To Die' Sequel To 'The Desire' Series (In Editing)

The Shell Of The Person I Used To Know.....(Edited)

Star P.O.V

I couldn't believe I let the words pass my lips as I spoke to Elijah. What I did was something I didn't want anyone to know about least of all Elijah as I didn't want to put him in a predicament. I was so vulnerable at the time and all I wanted was to speak to Damon. To tell him what I did to let out this burned but it seemed that it weighed so heavy that I blurted to Elijah. Have you ever done something that you were really ashamed of? I mean something so bad you felt sick just thinking about it? That what exactly happened in that moment. I felt psychically sick about what I did I took away the one person who Nik needed in his life. Something he always needed a parent who will love him unconditionally.

Elijah tried to calm me down he tried to make sense of what I was telling him through my rambles. It didn't take a mastermind to understand the words 'I killed Nik father. Ansel'. As I continued to talk to him I told him I couldn't tell him about the changes that were happening to me. How I was hearing voices in my head telling me to do things that I didn't have any control of the situations whatsoever. The thing about secrets they are like stars. They blaze inside the heart and ultimately could be explosive. But there are two types of secrets. Small secrets like small stars will eventually burn out. With time and space they lose their importance and simply vanish. No harm done. But big secrets are like massive stars and with time and constant fear grow stronger creating a gravitational pull that eventually ... When they get so big, they become a black hole.

I could see that Elijah didn't quite know how to handle this situation, he just looked deep in thought like he was lost in his own world at times. I felt even worse for telling him all this after everything he had been through being held captive by Esther. After Elijah calmed me down somewhat he told me to go back into the compound, and not to raise any suspicion with Nik. To act like my normal self like it was going to be easy to be around Nik. Deep down I knew Elijah was right I needed to try and behave somewhat normal around him. I couldn't lose Nik over this over something I didn't even know that I done till it was too late. When I went back in Nik was all smiles as he approached me and kissed me unexpectedly. He thanked me for suggesting to Hayley about hurting his mom where it would hurt her most by taking Finn and Kol. Nik was in real high spirits about this as he felt now he had the leverage to get whatever information about Esther plan. I excused myself and told him I was tied and as nice it was to see Nik so excited I just needed to get away from him.

I went up to our room and showered and got changed into one of my silk cami I climbed into bed pulling the cover over my shoulder attempting to sleep. That didn't plan out too well as I kept tossing and turning because of the reoccurring nightmare of killing Ansel. I woke up in a cold sweat as I looked to myside I could see Nik still sleeping with arm around me. I gently moved it trying not to wake him as I climb out on the bed. I walked out onto the balcony to get some air and calm myself down.

I know what Elijah told me be his words made it sound easy but the guilt was eating me alive. How could I lay in the same bed with the man I love knowing I killed his father. This secret that I'm holding is the biggest one I've ever held. Secrets are like plants. They can stay buried deep in the earth for a long time but eventually they'll send up shoots and give themselves away. They have to. It's their nature. Just a tiny green stem at first. Which slowly, insidiously grows taller and stronger, unfolding itself until there it is. A big fat secret, right in front of your face. A fully bloomed flower perfumed with the scent of deception.

"Star, it's late, why are you awake?" I heard Nik voice from behind as he wrapped his waist I had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be sick. Not because of his touch because being in Nik embrace is the safest place I've ever felt. It was to do with dark secret that I promise I would never tell.