belladonna | marauders imagines

Sirius | Let Go

If you ever had to think of where you would die, you wouldn't have guessed here. Not in this dark, gloomy, locked room with a noseless evil wizard determined to make the world his. Most of all, you wouldn't — no, you couldn't have imagined the pain that came with it.

Oh, yes the pain. There's something so tragic about being hurt inside already, and still being asked to stay strong. Something so cruel about him drawing blood on your skin to get his answers. He still haven't gotten them, so he continued his torture.

"Tell me where Harry Potter is," he whispered, calmly and slowly, as if he had all the time in the world. Maybe he did. All you could be aware of was the clock in the corner ticking away, counting down possibly the last moments of your life.

Stay strong, Lily had said years back, and you carried the words around in your heart, that is, until the night Sirius died. From then, it was pain, pain and more pain. You couldn't do anything about it. The words faded from your heart and you forgot what it was like to be happy.

Besides, you were the happiest when you were with the people you loved. What can you do if all of them were tortured, murdered and now resting in different graveyards? How could you still stay happy?

"I'm not telling you anything," you hissed through your teeth, your back against the wall. He had already taken your wand. After an hour of Cruciatus curse, it felt like you couldn't be defeated. But he needed the information, so he wasn't going to stop.

"All this trouble for a little boy who's not even yours?" He blinked in confusion. "I'd say you're not as smart as the rumors said you were."

Your eyes darted to the door which was locked. Then to his robes where your wand was hidden.
You murmured a quick prayer to the gods above and tried to come up with another solution.

"You cannot run, Y/N." Your name left his lips as if he had practice using it for over a long time — as if you were his childhood friend that he suddenly lost interest in.

Then you remembered how he had a habit of getting inside people's heads. Your heart started beating faster.

"Ah, I see you can be persuaded to tell me," he stepped closer, his eyes wide in excitement. "Which memory should I show you first, dearest?"

Sudden flashes of your years at Hogwarts — the sorting hat yelling your house name, being friends with marauders in the second year, being chased by peeves with a broomstick, and how you laughed out loud when Malfoy fell down the stairs.

You watched everything with a look of admiration and Voldemort sighed.

"Another one then?"

This time you saw one of his memories.
Harry, alone in his crib, eyes wide and confused at the strange man in front of him. You saw Lily begging to leave him alone, crying and wailing to not take him away. You couldn't watch it. You closed your eyes, but the visions didn't go away. He was inside your brain after all.

A flash of green light, and Lily hit the floor. You felt your heart being ripped away from your chest as your brave friend lay motionless on the floor, her husband's body just inches away. You screamed and screamed. Being under the cruciatus spell was better than this. Anything was better than this.

"What if, hmm, what if I try something else?" Voldemort touched the side of your jaw with his fingers, his nail sharp. You could already feel it cutting through the skin.

Stay strong, Lily had said. If you're indeed dying, you'll die on your own terms.

"Get your disgusting fingers away from me," you said warningly, and to this he laughed — a laugh full of arrogance and superiority.

"I can't torture you with memories," he observed. "You've already been replaying them in your mind every single day. They're demons you're already used to. But I can make you think about darkness you've never thought before. I can make you see new demons."

You tried to get away from his grasp. The idea that seeing agony was more painful than feeling it yourself was a concept you didn't quite agree to. That doesn't mean it can't work.

It will certainly make you want to give up fighting, and hey, that's all he wants at this point.

Then you saw memories that were neither yours or his. You saw sacrifices, you saw restraint and practically everything.
Regulus drowning under the sea while the Inferni grabbed him.
Alice and Frank Longbottom being tortured.
Marlene being killed inside a small room with no one to help, much like your own situation.

Voldemort saved the worst for the last — Sirius, and his exhilarating laugh. Sirius Black kissing you. The way he held you like you were his forever. Him making you a sweater on Christmas, even if he can't knit to save his life.

"Make it stop," you whispered, trying to sound angry instead of helpless.

Then, something weird happened. You saw a familiar ghost standing behind Voldemort, his face proud yet regretful.

"Padfoot," you whispered, making Voldemort whip around in shock. He didn't see anyone there, so he looked back at you like you went crazy. Maybe you did, but you didn't mind it, not if it meant you get to talk with Sirius again.

Sirius smiled, and you noted how the creases on his robes and the wrinkles under his eyes looked way too real for him to be an actual ghost. But he was one, and he was back on earth to give her one final message.

He whispered two words which was not so different from stay strong, but different all the same,

"Let go."

You did.

Maybe until that moment you were only alive because you wanted to be. Maybe Voldemort's curses turned fatal even before you imagined and the beat in your heart was only there because you refused to give up. Letting go wasn't giving up, but both of it resulted in you falling sideways.
You were unconscious before you hit the ground. It felt easy — quicker and faster than falling asleep.

-

You woke up, feeling the soft sand under you. The sky was clear and adorned with stars, and all you could smell were tulips.

"Get up," Sirius simply looked amused.

"Where are we?" You asked, thinking your eyes were deceiving you.

"Remember when I promised you forever? Well, that starts here."