Two Ghosts - Ruel Van Dijk (Completed)

Chapter 14 - I don't want to feel.

Ruel's Point of View (ah yes)

I rushed around my room desperately, tearing it apart bit by bit. Where the fuck is it? I needed it. I needed an escape from this sudden rush of emotions. I wasn't used to this. I wasn't used to feeling...anything really. But now I was feeling so much I didn't even know what to do. A lump was in my throat, I was blinking back tears, yet my heart was beating faster than ever and butterflies were tickling my stomach annoyingly. I didn't fucking know what was happening to me, but I did know I needed to get it out, push it away. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to feel these things. I didn't want to have the hurt all over again. And that's why I needed it. I needed that book.

I was in the middle of throwing clothes out of my dresser when I heard someone behind me.

"Ruel, what are you doing?" Coco's voice rang through my head, making me freeze. I stopped what I was doing immediately, turning my head in her direction. She looked concerned, as always, her eyebrows creased, a slight frown painted on her lips. I watched her eyes dart around my undoubtedly pig-stye of a room.

"Leave me alone Coco," I grumbled, continuing to throw clothes across the room.

"What's going on Ruel?" she asked, ignoring me. I watched her walk towards me and sit on my bed out of the corner of my eye.

"Nothing, now leave me alone," I repeated, looking her straight in the eyes this time.

"Ruel," she said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest. Fucking hell. Why did she have to be so fucking stubborn?

"I'm looking for The Picture of Dorian Gray! There! Are you happy now?" I snapped, causing her face to drop. I turned away from her quickly, my heart starting to pang with guilt. I didn't mean to snap at her. We sat in silence, neither moving, neither speaking. We were both still, engulfed in the painful silence.

"It's Sunday too, isn't it?" she said quietly, barely loud enough to be more than a whisper. And I was done. Tears started to stream down my face, silent at first, but morphing into loud sobs. I was so tired, and so so confused. I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to feel anything. But Sunday, Sunday made me feel things again. And I didn't know how to react to that, I had no fucking idea. I wasn't used to people caring. So I pushed her away. Like I do with everything. I fucking hurt one of the only people who actually cared.

I felt Coco pull me into a tight hug, muffling my sobs.

"It's okay Ruel. I promise it'll be okay," she whispered, letting go of me. I didn't say anything about Sunday. I didn't want to, nor did I need to.

"Why is feeling things so hard?" I blubbered, undoubtedly sounding like a child.

"It's not supposed to be this hard Ruel. You were just pushing your feelings away for so long that they've all busted out now, and you're overwhelmed," she sighed. "You have to face the feelings that come to you little by little. When you bottle them up or shove them away, they come out like this, and you end up having a mental breakdown."

She looked up at me, worry painted across her face, and sadness in her eyes. I hated this. I just wanted to find my book and go back to being numb. If I was numb forever, I'd never have to face a mental breakdown.

"Don't go back to drowning your feelings in books Ruel," she said quietly, as if she was reading my mind. "You can't live in here forever. You have to eventually face the music."

I knew she wasn't going to leave me alone. Not unless someone else was with me to make sure I didn't do that or drown in a book again.

"I think you should apologise to Sunday. I'm 99% sure you would prefer her company over mine," she crossed her arms. I knew I had to. It was either Coco watching over me like a hawk, or apologising to Sunday.

"Fine," I grumbled. Before Coco could put on her 'I told you so' face, I turned and walked straight out the door. It was about 8:30 at night, so luckily nobody was going to see me going down the hallway. I crept down the hallway, careful not to make a sound. I looked behind me midway down to see Coco wasn't following me, which was probably a good thing.

"Sunday," I called out softly, knocking on her door twice. She didn't respond. I opened the door, not bothering to call out her name again.

But when I looked around the room, it was empty. I wasn't really that panicked, I just figured she went to the bathroom, or to get food or something.

"Sunday?" I called again. Nothing. I looked around the room once more, but this time I noticed the window was open.

"Fuck," I muttered. She'd gone through the window. Why? I didn't know. But this wasn't good. She had no idea where the fuck she was going in this neighbourhood, plus it was now dark. And I didn't know her well at all, I had no fucking clue where she would've gone.

But I sure as hell didn't want to go back to Coco, so finding Sunday it was. Even if that took all night.

A/N

Will Ruel find Sunday, who knows? I don't even know and i'm the mf author😃.

Sorry for another short ass chapter-

Love ya besties (aka bird)

As always have a lovely day,
remember to nourish yourself with food and water
and do something that makes you happy!

- Bri (Grape) <3 🍇

24/10/21

Quote of the day:

Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

-Marthe Troly-Curtin

Word Count: 1004