𝘍𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥

New Feelings

It's currently lunch time right now and it's scorching hot out. The sun is beaming down onto the none-roofed concrete, creating a yellow tint to the atmosphere. I sit with my friends in the shade of a roof.

It's been two weeks since Neon broke up with me and Gon joined my school. It's been good lately. My grades have been improving. I have lots of friends like usual. Neon's break up with me hasn't affected any of my statuses. Life is pretty normal.

Except for the fact that these past two weeks I figured out something I would have never guessed about myself (thanks to the help of my fourteen year old little brother). I, Killua Zoldyck, actually am not totally 100% straight. Yeah, I know, it's a shocker.

Also, it's all Gon Freecss' fault. His stupid smile, his dumb little face, the way he giggles, and that idiotic way he blushes. I don't know what changed. Before, all those things would annoy me and make me want to rip my eyes out. Now, it's just different. Maybe I changed. Something changed, that's all I know. Maybe it's because I started to pay more attention to him. Seriously, I look at him everyday. I also notice how other people look at him. Usually they like him, platonically of course. Key word is usually.

Kenji is the exception. I hate Kenji's guts. I wish he would just disappear because he seems to have something against me.

That little fu- sorry, I'm really upset— actually, I'm not sorry. He's a piece of shit. I can say that with lots of confidence. He makes me so angry I just want to launch at him.

Last Monday, Kenji asked Gon to be his boyfriend. And, Gon said yes.

Don't get me wrong. If he got a boyfriend two weeks earlier, I wouldn't have given two fucks about it. But now, now that he was like my first boy crush, I care, a lot.

I know, I'm a total hypocrite. Life is complicated, you learn knew things about yourself everyday. Who knew that observing Gon closely would make me fall for him?

What sucks about it is that he has a mother fucking boyfriend now.

The way he talks, smiles, blushes, and laughs so angelically with Kenji makes my blood boil. I feel that at any moment I see them interact, I want to grab Kenji and punch him in his stupid ass face.

And— not to mention, Gon used to like me too. It was too obvious, of course I noticed. Gon is as easy to read as an open book. Life is pretty unfair, especially right now.

The last time I had a crush was in 5th grade. Some random girl I already forgot the name of. I'm sure she was not much different than the other girls I've flirted with and have dated. I wonder why Gon just moved on so easily from me. I'm so charming and irresistible. ( Maybe because I showed absolutely zero interest in him.)

We always tend to admire the ones that hate us. Meanwhile, the ones that admire us, we hate.

I want to scream, so badly. That would be dramatic though, but it feels like the end of the world. It should be me holding his hand and putting my arm around his shoulder. It should be me who's teasing him and giving him small kisses on his rosy cheeks before classes commence. It should be me who gets to stare into his eyes and become mesmerized by their beauty. It should be me who gets to drown in his entire being and be completely in awe with the adorable little ball of sunshine known as Gon Freecss. It shouldn't be Kenji. Kenji is nowhere as near as good enough for Gon Freecss. The Gon Freecss who I'm sure has never told anybody negative about themselves in his whole life. The Gon Freecss that was always so kind to me even when I treated him like shit. Why does Kenji deserve him?