A Demon's Tale

Chapter Twenty

- Where The Heart's Laid Buried -

Ahead of me was the entrance to the cemetery. I stood motionless as an overbearing sensation weakened me. This place... This seemingly sacred ground... It terrified me. Breathing was so difficult. The air seemed as thick as water making every inhale and exhale feel so unnatural, as the sensation of taking down water into the lungs completely defied my every instinct. With every breath, it felt like I was going to drown. My heart was pounding in my chest and my fingers were trembling.

The gate was open. The stiff and cold black iron bars surrounded the cemetery as if to set a border between two worlds, to divide the ones present in the present, from the ones' of the past, to even physically set apart this sacred ground from the rest of the town. Behind the gate was a long gravel road where tall trees grew along each side that further ahead departed into multiple different paths out to the many rows of gravestones. There were tufts of tulips and other kinds of flowers found throughout the place among the many decorative aspects made by the gardeners' craftsmanship. It was such a beautiful place aesthetically compared to the gray and dull houses and asphalt roads of the city.

But despite the more sightly change of scenery... I dreaded setting foot in this place.

I looked down at the rose in my hand. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it. I didn't know what this would fully mean; to take a step through this gate, to set foot on the other side of this border. There was so much conflicting inside me; emotions and thoughts. The desire for forgiveness was held back by guilt telling me I wasn't deserving. A desire to speak to him once again was attacked by a voice of reason saying that I was deluding myself into thinking he'd ever be able to hear me again. A small spark of hope that there was still some way for me to still reach him, was washed over by the overbearing conviction that in reality, the cold harsh truth was that I never ever would again...

All I wanted was to find him. All I wanted was to see him. All I wanted was to somehow be close to him again, and this was the only place I had yet to search, the only place I had left to go. But what I also feared, was that if I could not find him here, it meant, there was nowhere left to go. I feared that this would be, the final destination, not only for my search, but ultimately also, for me...

I clenched my teeth, wrapped my fingers tightly around the stalk of the rose, pinched my eyes, and inhaled by forcing the thick air through my nostrils in a shakey manner. I shifted all focus away from my mind over to my body to prepare myself to move. Then, I took a step forward and proceeded through the gate and onto the gravel road leading into the cemetery.

I had made my way through. I had walked the long gravel road as the tall trees had passed me by on each side, with their branches hanging down from far above, looking down with pity for the lonely soul that was me, as if they knew my pain and sorrow. Anxiously I looked around. There were many peculiar sights, different garden-like sections, statues, a fountain, and of course the many different types of tombstones decorated with flowers. I was looking for a particular one. I had never really seen it, but I had some notion of where it was located from what I had heard.

The anxiety kept increasing as I got closer to where I knew it was supposed to be, unsure of how I would react. I was now far into the cemetery and there was no near exit from the area. I came to what seemed like a slight shift in level where some small steps lead me down to a more open area. The path continued like a circle around the center where many graves were located. The scenery fit the description and I knew I was close. The distance between the graves was greater. The place in general felt more open and spacious. With an open sky above, the trees and vegetation in the distance surrounded the great circle and since the whole place was of a lower level than the rest, it felt like everything revolved around this place.