A Demon's Tale

Chapter One

- The Reason For Everything -

As kids, we don't know what to expect of the world. We don't know what life is, or what it's supposed to be. We just observe and accept. Driven by our pre-set nature, through our senses we try to navigate within the world and structurize the information that is forced upon us since the day we're born. Our view of reality is shaped by this, -our biological instruments fine-tuned in with the frequencies of the universe in constant interaction with the environment, giving rise to the mystical experience we call; consciousness. Cast out into an unknown world, we try to find ourselves.

As a kid, you just want to be happy. Wired to seek out comfort and pleasure while avoiding suffering and discomfort. We never question why we feel what we feel, or why we want what we want. We just know what is a good feeling and what isn't, and over time learn to recognize causality and tell apart good from bad, through attraction and through fear.

Growing up, I was a quiet kid. Calm and observant. I always sat back and tried to figure out what was going on, carefully examining my surroundings before interacting with it. I was a lonely kid and a single child. I spent hours just playing by myself, with action figures alone in my room or outside with a stick. I was a happy kid most of the time, because I did not know anything else and because ignorance is bliss. I was, 'seen from the outside' just a typical young boy. I enjoyed the typical boy activities and got along well with the other kids I interacted with. I had a couple of 'friends' at school as far as one could consider back then, and I was always popular among the girls.

But even though I might have seemed like any other kid, I myself always felt different. I never quite felt like I fit in. I couldn't tell why, but somehow it always felt as if I was on the outside looking in. I never really felt like I could connect with anyone or give my full trust. I could never really understand or relate to the other kids my age, and I often felt left out or misunderstood. And thus naturally, I chose to be alone. I spend most of my spare time alone in my room playing video games. Silence and solitude, I trusted. It gave me comfort and peace, but I always knew, something was missing.

In sixth grade, I got a huge crush on a girl. The most popular girl at school. Her name was Jenny. She was almost a full year younger, yet, it felt as though she was always way above everyone else on every level. She always hung out with the kids a year older than her. She wasn't like the other girls. She was very unique. She wasn't the typical shy or quiet little girl who tried to act all sweet and innocent. No, she had quite the personality, very smart, eccentric, confrontational and she didn't take shit from anyone. She went her own way and was always very aware of her popularity and social status.

Despite her loud and untypical personality, she still had all the most beautiful feminine attributes the other girls envied. She was slim and athletic, tall for her age and very pretty. She stood out in every aspect. Everything about her was likable. Of course, at the time, I never fully understood those feelings. All I knew was that I wanted to be around her. I wanted to hug her, smell her hair, hold her hands and spend all my days in her company.

One day, when we had gotten to know one another well enough, I gathered the courage to confess my feelings for her, and in the hopes of them being mutual asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend. Her friends convinced her to say yes. It didn't bother me at the time that her friends more or less had pressured her into it, and she had agreed to it more as a fun thing to do than based on feelings of romantic interest. All I remember was feeling like I was on top of the world, like I was invincible.

But very soon, just two days later, she broke up with me. I remember the exact time and place. It was at the end of a school recess. Everyone else had gone inside and we were the only ones left on the schoolyard. I remember the exact light pole where we stood. I remember clinging on to her leg like a fool, asking why, begging her not to break up with me. I was devastated.