Behind Closed Doors

VII

Onikas Pov

I went into my house and turned on the lights, I sighed. I had a lot of fun, Bey and her friends are funny.

I felt at home with them. I felt like I could be myself—they don't just talk about boys all day and expect me to be perfect.

They're really refreshing to be around.

I looked around my empty house and saddened. This wasn't my house,—sure I lived here but It didn't feel like what a home should feel like.

I walked into my kitchen and grabbed a water, I barely had any food in my fridge. "I need to go grocery shopping.." I said to myself.

I had my phone on Do Not Disturb for the whole time I was with Beyoncé and them, I turned it off and saw abunch of notifications.

A few were of Kenzie asking where I was, and Meek also asking where I was. I didn't tell them I was ditching them, I-felt kinda bad but I never have a good time with them.

Meeks always pushing himself onto me and Kenzies really overbearing sometimes.

I decided to just ignore them for now, I wanted to be at peace for once without depending on other people or other people depending on me. I drank my water snd took my sneakers off.

I walked up the stairs to my bedroom, I chose the smallest room. I didn't want a big room with so much free space like mg farther thought was a good idea.

I walked into my walk in closet and looked at my homecoming dress. It was beautiful really, I just couldn't see myself being beautiful in it.

I heard the sound of my stomach grumble—I was so hungry. Last time I binge ate I ate practically the food in my fridge, and then threw it up.

The thought drew me back to my childhood.
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10 year old Onika

"Ow mama that hurt." I said as she put another hair piece in my hair. She just hummed and smiled in the mirror at me.

"Beauty is pain Onika, you'll learn that a lot
later on." She said and then she marveled at her work.

"The dress is perfect, your hair looks fine. Oh the judges are going to love you." She said surely and I shook my head. "How do you know that?" I asked and she shrugged with a smirk on her face.

"Because you'll make sure of it. Right Onika?" She asked me and I nodded. My mother loved beauty pageants. She called me her pride and joy because I was able to win each one.

As early as 7 years old she told me to watch my figure, drilling the idea into my little skull that thinner was better.

I looked up to her, I thought she was always right. I remember the night I lost respect for her.

"Mama I won-" I said walking into the dressing room, all I saw was my mother and one of the beauty pageant judges going at it.

I dropped the bouquet in my hands and slammed the door immediately. I heard shuffling and I saw my mother come out with an annoyed look on her face.

"You don't tell daddy okay?" I just nodded, I didn't know at the time that this was recognized as cheating.

On the drive home that night my farther praised me, telling me I did a great job. For the talent portion I played piano and he was the first person to start clapping even when I wasn't even done.

"That's my little girl! You did great." He said looking back at me while my mother drove and I smiled up at him. He was always supportive no matter what I did.