Behind Closed Doors

XVI

Onikas Pov

I agreed to go the haunted house with my friends, It feels so weird when I say "friends" all I think about is Beyoncé, Robyn, Kelly—all of them just treat me so much better.

I decided to drive myself home, I saw my dads car in the garage and It was so new to me. Having him here again after so long.

I walked in and I immediately smelled burning.

"Dad—" I looked in the kitchen and I saw him fanning a burnt muffin.

He looked up at me with a smile. I saw his dimples—he always says I get them from him.

"Honey! Uh—ignore this." He said indiscreetly dropping the muffin in the trash I laughed and shook my head. I missed him.

"How was school? How you feeling?" He asked as I sat down at our island kitchen. I set my bag down and I watched him hand me a muffin—one that wasn't burnt.

"School was good dad. I'm feeling—okay." I said quietly. I could tell he was thinking and I looked up at him.

"I—I wanted to talk to you—ya know about.." I shook my head immediately. "Dad don't do this." I begged laying my head down.

"I have to Onika, you passed out! Low blood sugar? I send you enough money to buy full course meals! Something has to be going on with my baby girl and I just want to find out." I've already had a breakdown today, what's another one?

I didn't want ti take it out on my farther but—he made some mistakes when I was little.

One of them was choosing to marry a drug addict, a woman that believed selling her child was okay—as well as a woman who thought child pornography was no big deal and decided to involve her child in that.

Of course though he didn't know that, but I had a right to be angry right? I could feel my internal anger coming to its surface.

But I couldn't take it out on him, he didn't deserve that.

"I'm just—tired. School is tiring and-I just have some stuff to deal with." I said not making eye contact with him. I loved my farther, no doubt in my mind about that.

But we didn't talk about feelings.

He wasn't good with them—I wasn't raised to think feelings were something I should openly express.

He always told me I should tell him what's wrong but he never understood some things.

He wouldn't understand a 17 year olds body image—he wouldn't understand what I've been through. I peeked up at him and he could tell I was lying. I knew he could.

"Listen...whatever is really going on I want you to know that I'm here now. I know uh—you haven't been feeling the best. But I need you know that I love you. And that I'm here for you no matter what—when I got that phone call I—I thought the worst Onika." I heard his voice crack and I felt so bad.

I didn't want to cause him pain—I didn't want to disappoint him and all my thoughts and insecurities were flooding back to me.

"I love you Onika. I've failed you in the past—I didn't protect you like a farther should." He said. My farther had his issues, one of them was confrontation he was terrible at it.

I guess I get that from him too.

"And I know Im your dad and it's awkward to talk to me about body image—but I'm a smart man I know that much about myself. I want you to be okay and to know that you're beautiful just the way you are." I could feel the tears flowing.