All Your Perfect Imperfections

Chapter Thirteen

-Avery-

I was starting to worry about Devin. He hadn't been himself lately. He'd been quiet and withdrawn and had disappeared in the middle of the work day twice this week, including today. I didn't want to make it worse if he was stressed out, but I needed him to talk to me.

My phone buzzed with a text notification from Devin. "I went home early. Got a ride and left you the SUV."

That explained why I hadn't been able to find him at his desk or anywhere else in the office, but it was the last straw for me. He was my boyfriend, and I deserved to know what was going on.

When I got home and stepped into the condo, Devin was sitting on the couch and staring out the window. I sat down next to him and hugged him, wanting him to know I cared before I started asking questions. As I pulled back, I realized something was wrong. Devin had a faint sheen of tears in his eyes, and he looked scared. Fear was never something I'd seen on Devin.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked.

"They found something in my blood work when I went to the doctor. I had to go back to get a biopsy, and I was there again today so we could talk about the results."

Hearing that made my heart rate speed up. "Wait, is something actually wrong?"

Devin closed his eyes. A tear slowly made its way down his cheek. "I have cancer," he whispered. "Leukemia. The same kind my mom had."

My breath caught in my throat and it felt like the bottom of my world had suddenly dropped out from under me. I had to have misheard Devin. Or maybe I was having a nightmare. This couldn't be real.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, my voice rising and trembling on the last word. I knew it was selfish to think this way, but I had just found Devin. I couldn't lose him now.

"I don't know. I have to go to the hospital to start chemotherapy in two days."

I scooted as close as I could and wrapped my arms around Devin's shoulders. I pulled him to me and he came willingly, slumping against my chest.

"I'm so sorry," I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "I love you. I'm here to support you in any way you need." I did my best to sound calm, but I wanted to scream. I wanted to fall apart, but I knew I needed to be strong for Devin. He was the one facing this diagnosis, this life-changing information, and it was his life that hung in the balance. Not mine.

"I'm scared," he whispered, his voice cracking on the last word. I squeezed him tighter and felt his body jerk as he tried to hold back the tears. I kept holding onto him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead and letting him cry as I tried not to start crying too. I couldn't do that. I needed to be the strong one.

Silence hung in the air, heavy and stifling. I wish I knew what to say to him, what words of comfort I could provide. But I didn't know. What do you say to someone who's been told they could die? 'I love you' and 'I'm here for you' didn't seem to be anywhere close to enough.

"What can I do?" I asked.

Devin pulled away and sat up, wiping his face. "I'm afraid to tell my dad. He already had to watch my mom die from this. I can't do this to him too. He can't lose both his wife and his son."

I reached over and took his hand. "There's no guarantee he'll lose you. But he'll want to know. He'll want to get you the best care possible."

Devin squeezed my hand. "Can you come with me? I don't want to tell my dad alone. I don't know if I can get the words out."

"Of course. Devin, I'm here. I'll do whatever you need me to do. You're not in this alone, okay?"

He nodded and looked at the ground.