the cut that always bleeds

cygnus

June 29th

Luca stumbled onto the beach, the island. Where he had begun talking to Alberto.
He didn't want to be here, the moment he had been dreading had begun to truly come to fruition.
He wouldn't be here if Giulia hadn't talked him into it.
Alberto wanted to meet up with Luca after a week and talk about things, and despite his best efforts to avoid it, Giulia made it clear that talking was the best thing to do.
Luca fidgeted with his hands, his human form beginning to take shape as he dried on the shore. He looked around, the lights were still hanging up in the tower, and they reflected in the water he had just left. His arms crossed across his body as he began walking towards the opposite side of the tower, looking for HIM.
As he turned around the corner, he caught sight of Alberto, sitting on a bench that had been laying there for countless years.
Alberto was already staring his way, he had a tiredness in his eyes, he was bent forward, his forearms resting on his legs. For the first time, Alberto didn't smile when his eyes met Luca.
Luca swallowed hard, making his way over to the bench, and sat down only after Alberto had moved slightly over.
He could hardly breathe, the tension between them was thick, and it was suffocating.
Luca stared forward as he heard Alberto take an inhale, and sat himself upwards.
"Luca, I can't keep doing this."
Luca couldn't look, but he felt Alberto's eyes locked on him. He got chills only thinking about it, and he kept his head held down.
"Okay."
Alberto took a moment, his breathing being the only noise filling the space between them.
"I need you to make a decision."

Luca stopped breathing, and he turned his head slightly, his gaze barely meeting Alberto's.
"What do you mean?"
Alberto bent over again, his eyes reaching Luca's level.

"Do you want this?"

Luca couldn't help but look directly into Alberto's eyes. He could see the eyebags from sleepless nights, his normal energetic nature had vanished, he looked famished. He was drained.
Luca blinked before looking away, he didn't want to see Alberto like this.
"That's a hard question, Alberto."
In a single moment, Alberto took both hands, and grabbed ahold of Luca's face, forcing him to look his way.
"I need an answer, NOW."
Alberto watched as Luca bit his lip, placing his hands over Alberto's.

"Do I have to?"
Alberto's eyes began to burn, and he let himself begin to sniffle. He could feel the warmth running down his face.
He had to.
For himself, he had to.

His bottom lip trembled, his words felt like poison as he allowed himself to put it all on the line.
"If you don't, we can't do this anymore. You cannot touch me anymore, you cannot kiss me, cannot look at me with that LOOK in your eyes."
He took a sharp inhale, his tears coming in full swing.
"I would need to separate myself from you, Luca. For a while."
Now it was Luca's turn.
His inhales were short, he struggled to breathe as the waterworks revealed scales running down the sides of his face. His throat hurt, and he could hardly see Alberto through the tears that had gathered in his eyes.
Alberto stood as strong as he could, he held Luca's face in his hands, and watched in horror as Luca sobbed before him.
More than anything he wanted to comfort him.
He shook, his arms trembled, and he waited.
He listened to Luca's cries.

Luca was able to slow his breathing, and he grasped tightly onto Alberto's hands that hadn't moved from his face.
Alberto's eyes went wide as Luca's gaze met his own.
He was stunned, motionless.
Luca smiled.
It was thin, tight, and his bottom lip was shaking.
But he was smiling.

"Okay."

Alberto could only sit in silence, he waited for something, anything else.

"That's not an answer, Luca."

His hands were pulled away from Luca's face, and he watched in disbelief as Luca intertwined his fingers with Alberto's.

"I know."

Alberto's hands trembled in Luca's, and fire enveloped his throat. He didn't see this coming.
He didn't want this.
He could only watch as Luca released one of his hands, and reached into his pocket.
His eyes followed his hand, and watched as Luca's hand made it back to his own. To his surprise he was greeted with a cold sensation.
Luca pulled away completely, and Alberto was left looking down at a necklace.
It shone in the lights from the tower, and Alberto lifted it up to look at it.
It was silver, at the bottom it held an oval shape that had something engraved in it.
He had to squint to really look at it.

He saw the dots and the lines, he saw the shape.
He shot his head upwards, Luca already watching him. His tears hadn't stopped.
He still had the same smile.

"It's Cygnus. The swan."

Alberto's breath shook.

"The constellation."

Luca nodded.

"Yes. My favorite."

Alberto looked back down at it.
"I don't- I don't understand. What-"
Luca covered the necklace with his hands.
"It's for you."

Alberto began to tremble once more, his eyebrows furrowed upwards, he couldn't hide it anymore.

"Luca, please, give me an answer."

Luca's shoulders shook, as he allowed himself to start crying again.

"Please."

Alberto dropped the necklace, moving close to Luca, grabbing ahold of his shoulders.
"Luca, please, I'm begging you-"
He choked on sobs, moving one hand to the side of Luca's face again, running his thumb against his cheek.
"Answer my question, Luca. If you don't I-"
Luca said nothing, he only watched Alberto. He watched as Alberto began to cling to his shirt, grasping onto anything he could, as he let out various 'please's and 'I don't want to's. Luca cried silently, he had made his decision.
"I'm going back to school early."

Alberto grew silent, his grasp on Luca's shirt remained, and he looked up towards Luca.
He wasn't looking at him.
"...What?"
"I made the decision to go back to school early this year, get a head start."
Alberto sat upwards, his voice growing quiet.
"When?"
Luca stared down at Alberto's hands that were tightening their grip.
"Tomorrow."

Alberto let go of Luca's shirt, and his eyes remained wide.
"You'll be gone for the entire school year?"
Luca nodded, his arms wrapping themselves around his shaking core.
"Oh."

"So, view this as a parting gift."
Alberto picked the necklace up, holding it in his hand.

"Okay."

Luca slowly made his way over, allowing himself to wrap his arms around Alberto. Alberto buried his face into Luca's shoulder, letting himself take in shaky gasps for air. He grabbed onto the back of Luca's shirt, his fingers digging into his back.
This was it.
His only chance.
Alberto's face remained pressed against Luca's shoulder, but he spoke clearly.

"Luca, I'm in love with you."
He felt as Luca's chest filled with air with his sudden gasp, and as Luca tightened their embrace.

"I need you. I don't want to know what it's like not knowing you."

Luca backed up, and placed a hand on Alberto's face.

"You'll always know me."

Alberto nodded, before hugging him again.

Slowly, he allowed himself to separate from Luca's arms, taking his time until there was no more contact.
And he was cold.

And he remained cold.

So cold that he stood frozen at the train station.
He could only watch as Giulia hugged Luca farewell, explaining to him that she would meet him there in a month.
Watched as Luca's family bid him farewell once again.
Watched as Luca took his steps onto the train, and glanced back his way.
Alberto swallowed hard as Luca gave him the bitterest goodbye, a smile.
His thin smile, closed-mouth, with a sorrow in his eyes.
Alberto didn't smile back.
Alberto didn't cry.
All he could do was watch, and hold himself, as the train made its way into the tunnel. His eyes remained locked on Luca, on his hair that was being blown back by the wind, the look in his eyes as he looked forward.
He saw the hunger for more that Luca always had. His hunger to be more.
He watched until he couldn't anymore, until the train stop was empty, and he was the only one still standing there.

"Ciao."
He mumbled to himself, and he turned, and began to walk away.