the cut that always bleeds

a decision

June 22

Luca's feet hit the ground at tremendous speeds, the only noise hitting his ears was the sound of his bare feet hitting the pavement. His chest felt engulfed in flames as he ran as fast as his legs could take him. He gasped for air as he only now began to think of what he would even say.

He only knew he had to see Alberto, his mind couldn't place what it was he wanted to convey so badly.

All he knew was that he needed Alberto, and quickly.

He came to a halt at the Marcovaldo's, and without a moment to think, he grasped onto the handle of the door and swung it open.

To Luca's luck, Alberot was the only one standing in the kitchen, busy with some kind of food prep on the counter.

"Luca?"

Luca's chest rose and fell with every desperate gasp for air, his face red, and his legs trembling.

"I need...to talk to you."

Alberto dropped his knife onto the counter, and he quickly made his way over to Luca.

"Hey, take a minute, catch your breath."

Without a moment's notice, Alberto grabbed onto one of Luca's hands, and rested the other on his back, and led him to sit down.

After Luca was situated, Alberto grabbed a chair, and pulled it up in front of Luca, scooting closer.

"What's going on?"

Luca adjusted himself, sitting upwards in the chair. With one glance up towards Alberto he felt the lump in his throat grow larger.

"A lot, too much, I just...sorry I need a second."

Luca placed his head in his hands, taking in a couple more breaths. He jumped as Alberto reached over, rubbing his shoulder just slightly.

"It's okay, take your time."

Luca lifted his head up, his eyes meeting Alberto's.

"If I don't talk about this I'm gonna go crazy."

Alberto gave a small smile, moving his hand from Lua's shoulder up to the side of his face.

"I'm here to listen."

Luca nodded.

"Okay."

He took a breath.

"Okay."

Alberto watched in quiet patience.

"I need to figure this thing with you out."

Alberto simply nodded, grabbing onto Luca's hands.

Luca looked away, his eyes locking onto the floor.

"It all started the first time I kissed you. I-"

He panicked, and he looked back towards Alberto.

He saw stars in his eyes, he saw the way Alberto was holding his breath. The tightened grip on his hands. Luca swallowed hard.

"I saw sparks."

He could've sworn he witnessed lights dance in Alberto's eyes, but noticed Alberto's facial expression remained exactly the same.

"Ever since I've been so confused. So scared. My mind races, when I think about you my heart pounds, is there anyway I-"

Luca felt tears oncoming, and he shut his mouth, before taking a shaky breath and continuing on.

"What if I...wanted us...to-"

Alberto watched, in shock, as tears began to make their way down Luca's face, coming down to his chin and falling onto the ground beneath them. He fought back whatever burning sensation was behind his eyes as he held onto Luca's hands tighter than he ever had before.

Luca took in shaky gasps for air, his bottom lip trembling, as he laid it all on the line. He let it lie.

"What if I wanted to let myself like boys?"

Alberto choked back his own tears.

"Oh, Luca."

Alberto got up from his chair, hoisting Luca up with him. In one swift motion he wrapped his arms around Luca, grasping onto the back of his shirt.

Luca dug his face into Alberto's shoulder, his tears leaving a wet mark on his sleeve.

"I don't know what to do."

Alberto rubbed circles against Luca's back, attempting to help slow down his breathing.

"You don't have to do anything."

Luca melted as he felt the warmth of Alberto once more, his hands clung onto the back of his shirt, and he allowed himself to be present in the moment.

"Luca."

Luca remained motionless, his body resting against Alberto's.

"Hm?"

Alberto turned his head towards Luca's, lowering his voice, keeping himself quiet.

"I am so, so unbelievably proud of you."

Alberto felt Luca's chest rise rapidly, and he shut his eyes as he felt Luca's shoulders begin to shake once more.

He ran his fingers through the back of Luca's hair, and he began to softly hum. He could still vividly remember coming to his realization, and keeping it to himself. The fear of saying it aloud for the first time. The cold of not being held.

He was glad he could be here now. Luca wouldn't need to experience the same feeling.

Luca had calmed down, his breathing had come to a slow pace, and he became calm and collected. He backed up, removing himself from the familiar warmth, and he looked up towards Alberto.

"Beto?"

Alberto looked down, his hand still on the back of Luca's head.

"Yes?"

Luca took a moment, his mind elsewhere. Alberto stood, waiting patiently.

"What does this make us?"

Alberto's eyebrows raised for a moment, before he broke into a soft smile. He allowed himself to ponder for a moment, looking off in the distance, before coming back and bringing his focus back to Luca who was still watching him.

"We are whatever you want us to be."

Luca furrowed his brow, and rested his head back on Alberto's chest.

"I don't know."

Alberto bit his lip, he had hoped for something better.

"Well, take the time you need to figure that out, and we can go from there."

Luca nodded against the fabric of Alberto's shirt.

"I'm terrified."

Alberto laid his head on top of Luca's, pulling him in even tighter, taking in a breath.

"I am too."