im 18, and i live alone. i have no one at all. and despite me feeling sad and alone all of the time. i still try my best to be the most brightest person i know. my parents call every blue moon asking if they can borrow something.
theyre not the brightest- so im not sure where i get my brightness from. you would think they way i speak so highly of my self i have an amazing life.
quite the opposite actually. anybody that ive ever had is gone now and it hurts. now they may not be physically gone- like dead.. but they abandoned me and that's even worse imo.
school starts back on monday and ive been going unoticed all 4 years and i plan to keep it that way until im out of this hell hole.
at first i was fine with having nothing until the years burned by and i got more isolated. which sucks because i would love friends.
but the fear of being hurt makes me more scared to even try. call it abondment issues but i call it looking out for myself
i have social media. and literally almost everbody from the school on there but yet no one talks to me in person. which i dont really mind because people will probably be mean to me.
i found out recently i have a passion for painting. nothing deep really. just watching the colors fade together makes me happy. its therapeutic
personally, i consider myself funny. i mean i make myself lauhg. then i realize how lonely that sounds so i stop.
today is saturday. a day that i dont particularly loath.. but knowing that i only have one more night to sleep to myself without having to get up in the morning makes me furious.
i mean i could take day naps but whats the fun in that? sleeping at night is so much better. plus i try to prioritize the morning for being productive.
i think i like reading. i said i think because it's really really hard to find a book i like. if you asked me what kind of books i like i wouldnt know.
all of them? no. not really. here i go ranting about stupid stuff again. im too deep into thought about... myself. depressing
one last thing, my real name is calerin. pronounced 'ca-ler-rin'. thats beautiful but i got tired of ppl asking me what ot means and pronouncing it wrong.
sage is one of my middle names. the other being marie and my last name hathaway. like that one actress anne hathaway. in 6th grade ppl asked if i was related to her. after everbody watched the princess diaries series.
they really thought they were funny. me being.. well in 6th grade of course said yes. so if anybody asks, yes. anne hathaway is my aunt. that lives far away. and sends me lots of money for cool things.
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imiss.the.rage.sage: hi #boi
weird.bot5: any hot🥵 boys from u.s 🇺🇸 click my profile!? imiss.the.rage.sage: o
sugadada5: hi young girl click dm me!
saraisabveme: ur so pretty do u go to staten high? imiss.the.rage.sage: ty n yup for 4 yrs 🙃 saraisabveme: ive never seen u b4 haha
hckrvnne: u look nice imiss.the.rage.sage: ty. not too bad urself <3 isamwa1: how does she have vinnie on her page and i don't. no fair. imiss.the.rage.sage: oh im sorry. you dont need a man on ur page, girl ur perf! isamwa1: no one asked sweetie 😘🤭 hckrvnne: stop isa
urmomstoes: pretty girl imiss.the.rage.sage: 💗
crazy4u: pls run me over? 😩 imiss.the.rage.sage: anything for u bae 😋🤟
🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑🃑
i looked at my comments and noticed an unfamiliar usrname in my comment section. hckrvnne? i click his profile after he said i looked nice. appearently this boy had the hype and i see why. he wasnt famous or anything he had 50k followers.
cool. i have 20k i kinda wish i had less. but it's no problem to deactivate i wouldn't wna disapoint anyone tho. i seen isa responded to me and vinnies small thread.
she was a mad? i guess. vinnie hasnt commented on her posts but he has on mines. "no fair" she said exactly. i tried to be positive and tell her thats not what she needs and shes pretty without him.
but in the end i ended up with a negative response. which, yea sucks but i expect the unexpected, or the expected. ISMW i am prepared for whats about to come my way.
just like how people ask me how long i w been going to that damn school. all 4 years. its annoying. but im used to it
im not interested in love. the romantic kind specifically. people i werent romantically connected to alrdy let me down.
i cant imagine what a sexual love would do to me. ive heard the stories of heartache by a lover boy. ive seen the movies. its all a waste of time.
and maybe so i havent found the right person but, thats a mystery that will remain a mystery for me atleast. coming from someone who hasnt even had their first kiss yet and im 18.
i truly think actually 'loving' someone at this age is pointless. we are all still so young. its not really not what its made out to be.
ah- deep thoughts again. one thought drifting of into another, which sparks a question, that leads to some random shit. why do i that?
enough of me. i turn my night stand lamp off and turn over. i put on my '</3' playlist on and fall asleep.
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𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 a/n: hiii ok im rly happy ab this chptr i hope u guys enjoyed it blablabla all that good stuff.
ma make the next chptr ab vinnie so u guys can see a little into him and all. i rly hope u guys enjoy this book more than my others.
im willing to make this a veryyy long book atleast 40 chptrs!
i got sum for u bitches fuck that n---a i aint trippin ahh 😩🩰 😜
i hope yall know that iconic tiktok because it slaps anyways bye 👋🏻
