Will stood at the door of Jay's ICU room, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat while watching his brother sleep in the dim light. Laying at 45 degree angle, he had an all encompassing view of Jay and another batch of tears pricked his eyes, his little brother looked terrible.
His bruised face was absent of blood, but covered in a sheen of sweat from fever. The bruise on his forehead and his black eye stood out against the stark white bandages covering the cuts over his brow and above his ear. He knew hidden beneath the oxygen mask, a dark bruised graced the left side of his mouth, his split bottom lip the epicenter. The butterfly bandages gluing the cut on his cheek together looked like obscene railroad tracks against the dark bruising on his cheek.
But Jay was alive and that was all that mattered. That thought drew his eyes to the bandage on his brother's neck and the wires and tubing sticking out of it. The wires a tether from his heart to the gray apparatus of the pulse generator. The need for that ugly device gave him chills.
He moved closer to the bed and studied the other monitors that told him his brother was alive. The oxygen saturation worried him, but was holding steady. Watching Jay struggle for every breath, exhales coming out in a huff, had him looking away for a moment...it was too much, too hard to see his strong brother in this weakened, vulnerable state.
It was when he was looking at the wall, trying to pull himself together, that he felt the slightest of tugs on the sleeve of his lab coat. He practically gave himself whiplash when he turned back to Jay.
"Hey bro..."
Jay's tormented eyes were half mast and surrounded by pain lines.
"You're gunna be okay..."
Though covered by the mask, he saw Jay's tongue peek out between his lips.
"Hold on..."
Will grabbed the cup of tepid water, shifted the oxygen mask and put the bendy straw between his brother's chapped and cut up lips, "Small sip, just to wet your mouth..."
Jay followed directions, probably too tired to be his usual defiant self and suck down the whole cup of water.
"Ok, that's enough for now...gotta get this back on."
Will set the cup aside, placed the mask back over Jay's nose and mouth and leaned over his brother.
As soon as he had sucked in enough oxygen to speak, a word that was barely barely a word slid from Jay's bruised lips, "W...'l..."
He's not even sure if he heard Jay say his name or if he just read his brother's lips through the oxygen mask, "Ya bud right here."
Jay huffed in more oxygen and his face scrunched up in frustration when his hand twitched but moved no further.
"What'd ya need...you in pain?"
Pretty much a dumb question because it was obvious Jay was in pain. He pushed the button to call the nurse.
Jay moved his hand again and this time was able to lift it enough to clumsily land on his ribs, but he lacked the strength to keep it there. He grabbed the gown that was only draped over the upper half of his body for traction but his hand slid back to the bed taking the gown with him and leaving the entire left side of his chest and abdomen visible.
He could tell Jay was trying to say something but wasn't quite successful yet.
"Take your time bud..."
He scrunched his eyes shut as he let out a pained sigh, followed by a strained whisper, "Chst..."
Another scrunching of his face followed by a groan and he was able to finish his thought, "...'rts..."
"I know. I know...meds are coming..."
He looked to the door in hope he would see the nurse on the way with them.
"...wwhhhy...?"
"You have pneumonia..."
He arched his back a bit and again brought his hand slowly to his chest and groaned into the mask.
"Mmm...Will..."
Tears leaked from his eyes and his back arched minutely off the bed again. The gown shifted again and Will could see what was causing Jay so much pain. The entire area where he had done compressions to keep his brother alive was bruised, evolving from deep red to various shades of black and blue.
He cringed remembering the crunch as he pushed down on Jay's chest. He pulled the gown up covering his baby brother's chest and leaned in, "You're gunna be pretty sore right there bud. Your heart stopped in the ER, we had to do compressions to get it going again."
Not ready to admit he did that to Jay, he used 'we' instead of 'I.' Ten minutes ago, he would have just focused on Jay being alive and grateful that the extreme measures were able to bring his brother back. Tears stung his eyes, now he just felt guilty for hurting him.
Surprise landed on Jay's face. Well, what a twitch of an eyebrow and sleepy eyes opening a fraction wider, could be read as surprise, but the tears continued to leak from his eyes as his body trembled at the thought of his heart stopping, or from the tremendous pain he was in, probably both.
"Will..." The word escaped his lips followed by a hoarse sob as he shifted on the bed trying to escape the overwhelming pain.
A weak hand grabbed his sleeve in desperation, "W...lll..."
"Goddammit!..."
He rushed out of the room to get the nurse and met her just outside the door.
She saw the look on Will's face and the excruciating pain radiating from her patient and moved quickly, attaching the syringe to the port and pushing the pain relief into the IV.
Laying his hand on Jay's head, Will gently rested his forehead against Jay's and shushed his pain, but it was the drugs hitting his system that finally quieted the sobs and stopped the tears, the last of them forced out by his closing eyes to roll down his temples and disappearing into his hair.
When the last tear rolled down Jay's face and he slipped into oblivion, Will picked up the baton and let his own tears roll.
