If I Lose My Way: A Louis Tomlinson fan fiction

chapter 1: Toms

It was a cold, normal day in Doncaster. Not that I’m complaining, I loved cold winters. I loved how the snowflakes hit your face and I loved sledding down the hill outside my house. My favorite part was cuddling up by the fire and just sitting. Nothing could get better than that. 

I sat waiting for the bus on a cold metal bench. The freezing wind sent shivers up my spine and i shook from the cold, wrapping my arms around myself. I pulled my jacket closer to my chest. I looked down in my lap. I was early as usual. I always wanted to get out of the house early. No one ever showed up this early, I was normally a loner. 

 That was until today. 

My phone rang but I ignored it, not in the mood to talk this early in the morning. The cold nipped at my exposed neck and i brought my knees to my chest. A loose strand of my frizzy brown hair hit my face. I pushed it back into the ponytail. 

I put my chin on my knees, letting the snow hit my head. I was in thought, not really bored. So many things ran through my head it was crazy. Like I had a huge chemistry test today, I studied for hours on end of course, being an A plus student. I was still scared to actually take the test, my nerves always got the best of me. 

What I was most nervous about was bullies. 

I’ve been bullied since I was 7, just getting out of second grade. It was by this boy named James. I had a huge crush on him back then. I mean he was perfect. He had sandy blonde hair and huge blue eyes. He looked so nice on the outside but inside he’s so mean. 

When I was younger the bullying wasn’t that bad but then when I got older it got worse and worse. He wouldn’t just call me names anymore, he would hit me. He would trip me while walking down the hallway. There was never a reasonable explanation why he did it. 

He made me dread school everyday and I never wanted to go. When I was younger I used to fake being sick but I grew up. I don’t do it anymore. I just toughen it out. Yeah the bullying is hard to take but I’ve put up with it for 10 years now. 

I heard footsteps behind me and whipped my head around. A boy with a red hoodie on stood there. I’d never seen him before. He smiled at me, showing his perfect white teeth. I let my lips curve into a slight smile. He sat down next to me on the bench. 

“Hello. Are you going to um the uh high school down the street. I um forgot the uh name.” He stuttered. I nodded. 

“You mean Doncaster Private?” I questioned. He looked into my eyes. His were a blue gray color, kind of like James’. I shuddered at the thought. 

“Yeah that’s it.” he said. 

“I’ve never seen you around.” He said looking at me again, scooting closer. 

That’s because I’m not popular. I’m not exactly the girl everyone knew well. I was in the shadows and I kind of liked it. I didn’t plan on changing it any time soon. 

I stayed silent at his statement, having no words to answer it anyway. 

He stared at me for a second then looked back forward at the falling snow. His jawbones tensed as the screeching wheels of the bus arrived. He stood up walking toward the bus, in his navy blue toms. 

Toms?

I stood up after him, grabbing my leather messenger bag. 

Why hadn’t I met him before?

I stepped on the metal steps leading into the long aisle way of the bus. The bus started moving before I could sit down, making me fall face first. The worst part is I fell right in front of James. He howled with laughter and watched me get up. I sighed and moved to the back of the bus, my usual seat. Once I got there I took out my favorite book that I’d read over and over again. It may sound silly for a 17 year old but it was Alice in Wonderland. It was the oldest copy out there. The pages were ripping and turning a brown color. At first when I read the book it was hard to understand with the old English language but then I read more books like it and gradually learnt more.  

Alice had just eaten a bite of the cake that makes her turn big when the book was snatched away from my hands. I looked up to see James holding up my book above his head. I reached for it and he pulled it up higher, determined not to let me have what I wanted. 

“Give it back please.” I asked weakly, giving up on jumping up and down to snatch it back. 

“Awe is little Annabelle sad?” He asked grabbing my wrist when I reached for it again. I shook my head no and he rolled his eyes. “Hey give her the book back?” said a familiar voice. I turned my head in the direction of the speaker. It was TOMS boy. I stared blankly at him and suprisingly James gave me back the copy of Alice in Wonderland. 

I turned back to TOMS boy and mouthed thank you. All he did was smile and I knew he accepted my thanks. 

I read on about Alice. No matter how many times I read this I always was suprised and it made my heart beat faster at the exciting parts. I was interupted from my reading by another body present on the seat next to me. I peeked from the corner of my eye to see the familiar shaggy blonde hair. 

“James. Please go I’m trying to read.” I said sternly. He stayed in his spot and stared daggers through me with his dark blue eyes. I huffed out a sigh and looked out the window, giving up on trying to read. 

 I watched the snow covered rooftops blur by as the bus sped past the  neighborhood. The pressure on the other side of my seat went away and James was gone. I picked up my book and started reading again 

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I slammed the door to the janitor’s closet shut. The darkness over took the room as my body crumpled to the floor. I still heard bickering from what had happened. James pushed me up against my locker. He didn’t push me, he slammed me actually. My head made a loud bang against it and it was currently throbbing. He slapped me across the face, then kneed me in the stomach causing me to lose my balance and fall over. 

But then something peculiar happened. 

TOMS boy was there again. He pulled James away from me and shoved him on the floor. That’s where I made my quick escape. There was yelling from outside the thick wooden door. 

As much as I wanted to cry I didn’t because if I went back to class people would know I’d been crying. My face gets blotchy with red when I cry and doesn’t go away for hours. 

But I felt like it was probably an okay time for me to cry. My face stung from the slapping and I put my hands up to my cheek. It superised me when I realized how cold they were. It felt like I was going to throw up. Before I could stop myself, a tear fell from my eye. It hit the hard floor and the sound let others release. 

 I looked up at the darkness around me and heard the school bell ring, signalling the first period of class. The yelling hadn’t stopped though. I heard TOMS boy’s voice screeching at James’. But James was yelling back. Then James voice stopped and light crept into my hiding place. I pulled my knees closer to my chest and sighed. The door crept open a little more as a dark figure slipped in. It wasn’t James. 

TOMS boy sat in front of me and lifted my chin up. The slight light hit his jaw and the side of his face, showing a light bruise on his cheek. I reached out my hand and touched the bruise. He flinched at my slight touch. 

“How about we go ditch?” He suggested, his voice in a low whisper. I wasn’t one to ditch but I will today. I nodded slightly as he stood up. 

I took TOMS boy’s hand and he led me out of the closet to the deserted school hallway and dropped my hand. 

Then he scanned me up and down before motioning to the door. 

“Let’s go.” he said walking toward it.