New memories

Chapter 2

After Nanna's nap, we all got downstairs to see the others. Thor was sitting with the others in the lounge talking about their battles. When he sees us walking in the room his face lights up. "Is that my little niece?", he asks looking at Nanna. He gets up and greets us. He then takes Nanna into his arms. She looks even smaller when she is in his uncle's arms. Thor sits down with Nanna, and she keeps smiling and laughing at everything that Thor does. I smile at them and then go sit right next to Bucky, who has now taken a seat little bit farther from Thor. "Is everything alright?", I whisper to him. He keeps looking at Nanna and just answers, "Everything is fine.". He then gets up and goes to the kitchen. I look after him and keep wondering what is wrong. I start to get concerned. Bucky hasn't been near Nanna in a while. He always keeps me between them, and he has not held her lately. I look at Nat and nod to Nanna. She looks behind her to the kitchen, then looks at me and nods. I then follow Bucky to the kitchen.

"Everything is not fine. Please talk to me.", I say to him. He is just leaning against the counter. I am standing behind him. I get closer and place my hand on his left shoulder. "Don't!", he snaps at me. He takes my hand from his shoulder and turns to me. He looks angry and I don't know if it is because of me or something that has happened to him in the past days. "Please, tell me what I can do.", I beg him and for some reason tears are starting to form in my eyes. He looks at me and then lowers his head and keeps looking at the floor. "There is nothing you can do. I'm sorry. I need some time.", he says to me and tries to leave. "No! You are not just walking away. For the past three days, I have kept wondering if you are even alive. I have been afraid that I have to raise our daughter alone. You can't just walk away. Since you have been back you have not touched you own daughter or held her. She needs you as much as I do. What is going on with you? Please, just let me help.", I almost shout to him and start to cry. He looks at me and pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm sorry doll. I'm sorry.", he says to me and kisses my forehead and whispers, "I don't know what to do. I am afraid.".

I lift my head and look at him. "What are you afraid of?", I ask, and he immediately let's go of me. He shakes his head, looking back at the floor, and says, "Nothing that you need to be concerned about.". I can't believe him. I keep pushing him to answer me. Now we are both shouting at each other and suddenly I hear Nanna crying. We both stop and turn to the door. I look at him and see the concern on his face, but he is not moving. He again lowers his face and keeps staring at the floor. I storm out of the kitchen, tears in my eyes, and go to the lounge. Everyone is staring at me when I enter the room. I know they heard the argument. I grab crying Nanna from Thor arms and leave them without saying a word. I go to our room and slam the door close.

It takes about fifteen minutes for Nat to knock on the door and entering the room. I keep hushing Nanna and she is starting to calm down just like myself. I am still crying. Nat sits next to me on the bed and hugs us. "Are you two alright?", she asks. I look at her and shake my head. I tell her everything that happened in the kitchen. She then tells me what happened after I left. Apparently, Bucky came to the lounge and Steve started to ask him questions about the shouting. Bucky got angry and stormed out without saying anything. "I just don't know what to do. How can I help him, if he doesn't speak to me?", I ask Nat. She looks at Nanna and just says, "Maybe it's hard for him. Being a father, you know. When he moved here after being so long with Hydra, he told Steve that he is always afraid that he would hurt one of us. Maybe he is now afraid that his past comes to hunt him. Maybe he is afraid that he will hurt Nanna.". I didn't know any of this. Why wouldn't he speak to me about any of this. To be honest, he never talks about his past. He has never told me what it was like for him to be in the Hydra base. I have told him everything I remember, but he hasn't told me anything. I don't know if I should try to understand or get even more upset because he doesn't trust me.

We kept playing in the room and at some point there was a knock on the door. Thor came in. He was worried about us. Well, mostly he was worried about me. Nat took Nanna to the others and left me and Thor to talk privately. "Is everything alright with Bucky and you?", Thor asked me. I don't know what to tell him. I don't even know myself that what is going on between us. I started to think what Nat told me and it does make sense. He hasn't hold Nanna in a while. He has been battling with Thor in war zones and in missions with the Avengers. He has seen a lot of violence and pain even in his past. But why wouldn't he talk to me about it? "I really don't know what is going on. He never talks to me. He is never here and when he is, he keeps his distance with me and Nanna. I don't know what to do.", I tell him. I slowly start to cry, and Thor comes closer and hugs me.

He tells me how Bucky is when they are battling together on their quests. "He keeps a picture of you and Nanna in his pocket. When we are settled in somewhere, making a camp, he keeps looking at the picture. He keeps to himself and sometimes I have noticed him crying. He misses you every time he is away. I have talked with Bucky about you three spending some more time in Asgard. Loki would love to spend time with Nanna. After the coronation, he really hasn't had a chance to leave Asgard. He misses you a lot. Just think about it. I am not saying that you should move there, although that would be amazing, I am just trying to say that you have another family in Asgard.", Thor says.

"I have been thinking about it. At least visiting you guys. I really want to see Loki, I miss him. And I want to meet the girl that he has been seeing.", I wink at Thor. "She seems decent. Although I haven't really had a chance to get to know her.", he tells me. I keep wondering what kind of a woman has swept the feet of my brother. "I think about it, visiting Asgard. I just need to talk with Bucky and the others first.", I tell Thor. He nods to me while smiling and then hugs me again. We join the others in the lounge. Bucky hasn't come back yet.