Found : A Dan Howell Fanfiction

Part 9 : The Aftershock

Evelyn awoke, her face stiff, covered in her dried tears. She was still missing her shirt, and she was still huddled in a ball from the night before. She pushed herself off of the bed, and sat there on its edge for a long while, looking around the room. At the mess, at her bath tub girl painting she never finished, still in a state of confusion and amnesia. And then with a shock, she remembered. She remembered how Dan had left, and how she was alone, and how she would never deserve his trust, or his faith in her. She grabbed her knees and pulled them close, feeling more tears fill her eyes. She took a deep breath, released her knees, and swallowing her tears, stood. She looked back down at the bed, and saw the gray box sitting at the foot of it. She despised that box, and its contents. But even with the passion of a thousand burning suns, she couldn't bare to throw it away. She knew she would need it, for days when she just couldn't take it. When she needed to be punished. If Dan could not see the all the bad that Evelyn was worth, then she would have to do it herself. It was her release, her scapegoat for living and making people's lives a mess. Evelyn slowly approached the box, and picked it up. She took it to the bathroom, and sat down on the frigid tile floor, leaning against the wall and letting the cold cover her like a blanket of ice. She stared at the shut box, not crying, no tears, just emotionless, helpless, hopeless. She dropped the box between her knees and stared at the wall straight in front of her. She had put her faith in Dan, and she screwed it up. She made him walk out the door. She sighed, her breath shaking as she held back the tears in the back of her eyes.

"I should've lied. I should've not said anything. I wish I had just shut my bloody mouth," Evelyn whispered to herself. The blank, white wall did not answer her comment. Evelyn sighed again and hung her head. There was no way in Hell she'd be making it to class today. She sat there for a while, contemplating the should've, the would've and the could've... until she heard a familiar voice.

"...The little bitch screwed everything up." The words hissed throughout the room, bouncing off the tile and hitting Evelyn from every direction. She curled up in a ball, and hid her face from the mirror in terror. No please. Please just go away. Please please please please let me go. There was a roll of slurred laughter before the voice spoke again.

"I'm not even close to finished with you darling," the voice growled with an underlying smugness. Evelyn started to tremble as she forced to listen to the hissing laughter fill her ears and her skull. Suddenly, she heard something that surprised her, and scared her even more. A new voice. A familiar voice. But this voice was not coming from the mirror. It was coming from the lounge.

"Ev? Is anyone home?" A female voice beckoned a room over. Kipa. Evelyn recognized it instantly. It had been days since Evelyn had even heard from her. Their last debate hadn't exactly left them on good terms. And now, who was she to enter her home without even knocking? That bitch. Evelyn remained huddled on the floor of the bathroom, trying her hardest to let the cold of the tiles overtake her. Maybe if I get really cold, I'll die and then I'll be rid of my misery forever.

"Evy?" Since when has she EVER called me that? Evelyn heard Kipa turn the corner into the hall towards her bedroom, and the bathroom.

"Evelyn, I'm here to apologize to you." That's a first. Kipa stopped in the middle of the hall, just before the bathroom door, and began to pace. Evelyn could hear the click of her boots against the hardwood as she went.

"Ev, I shouldn't have said what I said. I've been thinking about you, and me and Louis, and how we can help." Evelyn had to force her tears back into her skull as she rolled her eyes at Kipa's speech. For a woman who randomly shows up in your apartment to apologize, she sure seemed prepared for this.

"I know you don't want help, and I understand that maybe you think you don't deserve it, that you deserve to die. That you deserve to suffer for even existing. But Ev, you can't live like that. You have to at least try to take a stand. Ev, I've known you for years, I knew you when you were fierce, brave and outgoing. You have not changed. You are still the beautiful, independent woman you were, but you've let yourself shove the real you away. We love you Ev, and we want you to be a part of our lives, but you have to want that too. Don't let yourself get in the way of what you really want." Kipa's footsteps stopped directly in front of the bathroom door.