On Thin Ice (Prequel to Guild)

Chapter Fifty: Orange Blossom Sunset

           Yuina Mongonai Kimsura had forgotten what it was like to be warm.

She could remember the glow of firelight reflected in the whites of baba's eyes as she spun her tales- but she couldn't remember how it felt on her skin. How it dazzled her eyes but made her heartbeat slow, content. She remembered the softness of those aged lips against her cheek, the way they tickled as she whispered and sung.

Tsag khugatsaa öngörlöö. There was a time far far from near...

But she could not call back her warmth.

She could not recall the feeling of her husband's arms wrapped around her at night- so strong and yet so gentle. But she could remember the ice in his eyes. The venom in his voice.

You are poison.

She remembered the way the fire pillaged their love. The way it devoured his wedding bead.

You are poison. You've been slowly killing me all this time.

She remembered the way it thrashed and hissed and screamed as it popped, sizzled, and melted away.

And I haven't noticed until now.

But she could not remember his warmth.

She could only remember how much she'd sobbed.

It's not true. I love you.

She would never hold her son again.

You mustn't believe them. I love you, I love you, I love you.

She would never hold her son again. She would never feel the warmth of his smile- hear his laughter at the snowflakes on his tongue. She would never see her son again because they were going to kill her. She would never hold her son again and they were going to ruin him.

It was so like the City of Lights to snuff his out.

Majka?

It hurt. Oh, spirits, it hurt and the thought of him- her baby, her little fawn- made her dying heart decay.

I love you, she'd told him. She'd told him dozens of times even though she knew it wouldn't matter. These people were clever and cunning and cruel. They would steal the light from her son. They would steel his heart and take his tears. I love you, she'd cried. It's not true. I love you. You mustn't believe them. I love you, I love you, I love you.

And it meant nothing- nothing to these people.

It wouldn't matter to him soon, either. She wouldn't matter.

They would teach her son to hate.

Sünsnii össön üyed aris shir. When the spirits rose with scales so clear...

She had taught her son to hate.

A shudder rampaged through her, the leader of a herd of horses always followed by that whooping cough. It was cold down here. So, so cold without a blanket and only rags to wear.

Colder without light- lying crumpled on the cold, unforgiving stone.

I love you.

They'd broken her.

They'd taken a scrawny Outskirts girl and they'd made her strong, only to snap her bones and kill her spirit.

My wild mare.

My tame, broken horse.

She'd been a queen- an empress in everything but title. She'd been Lady Kimsura. She'd worn crowns of gold and crowns of flowers. Now she was nothing. Nothing but a pathetic, wretched creature who had surrendered the second they'd taken a knife to her.