It's eleven o'clock at the evening and i'm walking on the street alone. Trying to figure out what was this feeling that just doesn't let me sleep. Until i saw a very familiar place. I bitterly smiled.
Damn memories.
Wala sa sariling naglakad ako papalapit sa lugar na hangga't maari sana'y ayokong puntahan o makita man lang. Pero nandito ako ngayon at papalapit rito.
Nang ilang metro nalang ang layo ko ay natanaw ko ang isang lalaking nakahiga sa damuhan at natatamaan ng liwanag mula sa buwan ang kaniyang mukha. Hahakbang na sana ako palayo nang bigla siyang lumingon sa gawi ko at ngumiti nang makita ako na para bang alam niya at inaabangan niya talaga ang pagdating ko.
Parang may sariling buhay ang mga paa ko at kusang naglakad papalapit sa taong nakatingin saakin at hinihintay ang paglapit ko.
Nang makalapit ako ay nanatili akong nakatayo at nakatingin sakanya. Minimemorya ang bawat detalye ng maamo niyang mukha. Kasabay ng pagbalik ng mga ala-alang nakapagpaluha saakin.
Ngumiti siya at tumingin sa kanyang tabi. Nakuha ko naman ang gusto niyang sabihin at humiga ako sa damuhan sa tabi niya.
Ang buong-buong buwan kasama ang milyong mga bituwin ay nagbibigay liwanag sa madilim na kalangitan. Isang pamilyar na tanawin, pamilyar ang pakiramdam.
Nilingon ko ang lalaking katabi ko at ngumiti.
Wala sa sarili ay niyakap ko siya, umihip ng malakas ang hangin na nagpatayo sa balahibo ko, kasabay no'n ang pagkirot ng puso ko. Nang hindi ko maramdaman ang yakap niya ay tinanggal ko ang kamay kong nakayakap sakanya ay umayos ng higa.
"We used to watch the stars together...before" i said, breaking the awkward silence.
"Yeah" he answered, as cold as always.
"Then we'll say our wishes when a shooting star appears"I said then look at the sky "Look!" sambit ko nang may dumaang bulalakaw.
"A shooting star..." he said
"Make a wish" i excitedly said trying to hide the pain that i feel.
"I wish, you'll find the person who can give you the love that you deserve" he said then looked at me.
I look back at him "I wish... It's from you" i said, tears fell from my eyes.
His face softened "Just for once, make a wish for your self. Hilingin mong makalimutan mo na ako" he said, almost begging.
"No... Hindi ko hihilinging makalimutan kita. I wish I could forget how much I love you and how you made me feel loved. I don't want to forget you nor our memories, I just want to forget how you used to love me...before" i said, crying.
He smiled. "Things aren't the same way they used to be. Marami nang nagbago, marami nang...nawala"
"Gaya ng pagmamahal mo?" tanong ko.
He smiled but his eyes were sad "Gaya ko" sagot niya.
"Ano bang sinasabi mo? " ani ko at nag iwas ng tingin.
"We both know the truth, i was gone long time ago"
"Eh bakit nakikita kita?"
"Hindi na ako totoo. Iniisip mo nalang ako kaya nakakausap mo ang kaluluwa ko ngayon. Matagal na akong wala, please let me go"
"How can i let go of someone i can see my whole life with?"
"I am no longer alive, ano ba! You need to accept it so you can move forward and continue your life.
Kapag ipipilit mo paring nandito ako at buhay ako baka mapilitan silang tanggalin ako sa ala-ala mo. Yun ba ang gusto mong mangyari?"
"No, ofcourse not..."
"Kapag nabura na ako sa ala-ala mo mawawala na lahat ng memories na pinaghirapan natin buoin, lahat ng ginawa natin hindi mo na maaalala. Nawala na nga ako pati ba naman mga ala-ala ko sayo gusto mo pang mawala? Nahihirapan ka na rin, alam ko. Pain was torturing you, you need to let go. Pareho tayong nahihirapan hangga't ganyan ka"
"Sorry kung pinapahirapan ka ng pagmamahal ko. It's hard for me to let you go. I don't even know if I can do it, or i'll be able to do it" I said "I always tell myself that I am such a lucky person to have found someone who would love me. I always thought that you and I will be together until the very end." i added
"It's hard enough for me knowing that I will not be able to be with you again" he said, tears are falling from his eyes
"And it's harder for me when I know I will not be able to love someone else again the same way I loved you" i uttered
"No matter how painful it is now, I'm still thankful that somewhere along this crazy world, I've met a person who made me laugh, made me cry, and made me the strongest person I can ever be. And I'm glad it was you" he said, smiling but tears are visible on his eyes.
"I love you, i always will" i said.
He bitterly smiled "It may not be the ending we have always hoped for, but I am still thankful that I have met and loved you. Maybe on the next life, in other universe, you and i will end up with each other. But in this life, I'm happy that i spent my whole life loving you. It may hurt so much right now but soon enough, the pain that we both feel will heal"
"It hurts so much that I want to die right now, but i am hoping that someday i will be able to move on. Thanks for all the memories that we both made. Now I can let you go, I'm sorry if it took so long to admit it to myself that you are gone. I'm sorry kung ikinulong ko ang sarili ko sa mga ala-ala mo at sa pag-asang sana'y buhay ka at kasama ko" lumuluhang sambit ko
"Patawad kung hindi ko na kayang manatili pa sa tabi mo. Patawad kung hindi ko na kayang punasan pa ang mga luha mo" sabi niya na mas lalong nakapagpaluha saakin.
"I will never forget you"
"So am i"
"I guess this is the goodbye?"
"It isn't. Goodbye means forgetting. Let's just pause our story so we can continue it when we meet again"
"Until we meet again"
"Until God allow us to"
"I love you"
"Be happy... " he said and just then the wind blew and carried him away.
"Rest in paradise, my love"
