In-Between the Shadows

4. Obsession

I didn't wake until noon. It hurt to sit up. It hurt to get up and get water. It hurt to drink the water.

I felt like I was going to die.

I cradled my head in my hands and rubbed my eyes. I tried to wake up. I tried to remember what today was.

Sunday, it was Sunday. I had to go to work tomorrow.

Still sore, I washed my face and changed from my dirty clothes. I left my room feeling better, fresher.

I tried to find Daniel. I wanted to ask if he wanted to grab lunch, but he wasn't in his room. He wasn't in the bathroom either, and he wasn't in the sitting room.

I asked Mrs. Quil, the landlord, and she told me that she saw him walk out earlier this morning, and she hadn't seen him since.

***

I waited for his return. I waited for hours. I tried to read my newly bought book, but I could only run my hands across the cover, remembering the prints that Daniel left on it and his money that he used to buy it.

Daniel, where are you?

I stayed in the sitting room all day. My headache had subsided and left me hungry. I chose not to eat dinner. I was afraid that I would miss him if he walked through the door. No one asked questions.

It was nighttime and there was still no sign of him. I gave up. I went to the bathroom and decided to take a bath. I was glad there was no line.

I sat back against the tub, closing my eyes and sinking deep into the water until it touched my chin. The warmth of the water swallowed me. I wanted to drown in it. I wanted to sink into a deep abyss. I wanted to not exist.

What if you don't want to live?

It was the first philosophical question that I was ever asked. It was the first time I put serious thought into something. It was the first time I questioned life.

My life. Did it mean anything? My dull life that no one cared for. I was a mere ant, a grain of salt on a beach. My existence had no meaning to a cruel world. I would die and no one would remember me.

I would fade away and my entire being would be gone. I was already gone. I was floating, watching my body. It talked as me, it moved like me, but it was not me.

I wasn't me. But how was I supposed to know who I was if even I didn't know who I was?

Daniel had been the one to register such thoughts and feelings in me. This man, this...immortal figure. He woke me up and showed me the light. I would follow it obediently.

The door opened, but I didn't sit up in time to be able to register who it was. The door shut and aggressive footsteps came forward.

It was Daniel.

He stood over the tub looking down at me. His coat was still on and his hat hung at his side. I tried to read his face, but it was too blank to know what he was thinking.

"Dan-"

In one fast motion, he grabbed my face and bent down to consume me in a kiss. His tongue entered my mouth and I had to part my lips to breathe as it clung to mine. Euphoria rushed through my veins. I felt alive. 

I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him to me, deepening the kiss. I hung on for all my life. I refused to let him go. His hands gripped the edge of the tub as he got in, not caring that his clothes got soaked.

He pushed me to the wall of the tub and used one hand to undo his belt. I helped him, breaking apart from the kiss to do so. I pulled down his pants and grabbed ahold of him, stroking it. He hid his head in my shoulder, balancing himself up with one hand as he used the other to grip my hair.