In-Between the Shadows

5. Invitation

Daniel slept in my bed every night after that. After we met in the sitting room, he would follow me to my bedroom where he spent the night until morning and left before I could wake for work. I didn't see him again until that evening when I came home.

Silently, we agreed that it would be best not to interact so much with one another in the broad daylight. Not for any reason but because I couldn't stop myself from smiling and blushing every time I saw him. I had a hard enough time at work as it was.

"What are you smiling about, boy?" I blinked and there was Dr. Glass, the man I wanted to see least. He was sitting at his desk, looking through paperwork while glancing at me. I tried to remember where I was and had to give a quick look around the place. I was in his office and I was asking if he approved of me being able to visit patients for him while he attended to the paperwork.

"Nothing, sorry," I said. "I just came to ask-"

"I know, Isaac. You told me."

"I'm sorry."

"The answer is plain no. You're not ready."

I gripped my pants. "With all due respect, sir, I'm twenty-five years old, been here for a year now and I haven't had a patient of my own yet. How am I supposed to get a job and start my career when I can't even treat a patient of my own?"

"I'm the authority here, Isaac. I'm the one that determines if your ready or not, and you're not ready," he slicked what little hair he had left on his head back. "Now leave my office. I need to do this paperwork."

I left his office angry, and tried to busy myself with thoughts of Daniel as I cleaned the tools.

I tried to think of his lips on mine, the smell of his hair, but became angrier when I couldn't. Instead, all I could think about was about was our conversation. His words rang in my ears.

Do you enjoy it, becoming a doctor? Is it worth it?

I was good at this. I knew the field. I spent money to go to school for it, I studied for good grades, a physician took me in and trained me to become what I needed to be to become certified. Still, through all of that, through three years, I could not tell you if I truly wanted this or not.

I couldn't even tell you what I wanted. I didn't think about it. I didn't want to. My life had been a mere walk through the park. I had no goals, I had no plans, I had nothing.

I didn't want to own my father's plantation in fear that I'd end up disappointing him with it in the end. A doctor seemed like a harder career path, yet I had taken it and succeeded so far.

I told Daniel my fears that night as he laid down on his side of the bed as I laid on mine. We looked at each other and he listened as I spoke, his arm under his head and brows focused on what I was saying.

"How do you know what you want?" I asked him. "I mean, how am I supposed to know?"

"I think you just do," he said in a voice quieter than a whisper as if he was still trying to think it over. "I think you just know what you want. That's how goals and ambition starts."

"Are you ambitious, Daniel? Would you call yourself an ambitious man?"

He got silent then and avoided my eyes. He turned over to lay on his back. I inched closer to him, partly because I wanted to be near him and partly because I wanted to hear what he was going to say.

"I don't know anymore," he said, at last, and closed his eyes. I wanted him to tell me more, to enlighten me with his philosophical thoughts and answers, but he didn't say anything more after a while.

I planted a soft kiss on his neck, hoping he'd react. He didn't. I sighed, giving up, and rested my head on his chest. His heartbeat was steady, relaxing. I wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to preserve it for when I needed it again. I wanted to keep it in a jar, label it, 'Daniel's heart', and carry it wherever I went.

Daniel, I don't want to let you go.

***

My mind had been so occupied by Daniel and work that I forgot that I had mail. My parents' weekly letter hit me square in the face when Mrs. Quil handed me an envelope with my name on it.

It was in my mother's handwriting, her 'a's looking more like 'o's as she wrote my name. I opened the letter up. It was almost four pages.

My mother almost had a heart attack when I moved away from home. She almost died when I told her that I would be moving to New York City. Every week it was like reading a book on everything that I was missing from home. From when my little sister stubbed her toe to the dog almost choking on a bone. It was like I was never away from home. My mother made sure that I would never forget that.

This letter, in particular, was a charity event for the local schools.

Charity events were quite common. We went to a big one at end of every year. It was held by one of my mother's friends. Traditionally, I'd go and hug the sidelines to stay out of the way of everyone, but my mother made sure I had someone to dance with, and my usual partner was Sarah Samson who went to school with me when we were young.

Despite the countless times that I told my parents that I didn't have the time or the place for a wife, Sarah was always there, almost like she was waiting for me to ask her to marry me.

I told Daniel about the letter as we sat by the fire that night. I spoke at ease as I recalled the events of my life, the routines that I was accustomed to and how much my life had changed. I was surprised to find that I shared quite a lot about myself to Daniel - more than I intended to, in fact.

I was afraid, at that point, that I may have spoken too much, not allowing Daniel to share anything. Though, I tried to allow him space to speak, he never did. I only hoped it wasn't because he didn't trust me enough to speak.

"You said she's always...waiting for you, is that what you said?" He asked.

"Yes. She comes to me obediently. I don't even have to ask her to dance. We both know."

"Have you ever considered that she might be in love with you?"

I almost choked on air. "In love? With me? I hardly think that's it."

"Well, she hasn't married yet and she comes to you at these events. You."

"Sarah Samson. In love with me." I leaned back in my chair as I let it sink in. A sneaky smile found its way onto my lips. "Sarah Samson."

"Isaac, Come here." I looked at Daniel. His face was stern.

"Why?"

"Just come here."

I walked to him slowly, stopping at his feet. He did not attempt to move from where he was. He continued to look at me.

"What is it?"

"Lean forward. I balanced my hands on the side of the chair as I leaned in. I was inches from his face. "Kiss me." A greater smile formed on my face as I touched my lips to his.

"I want to come," he said, breaking the kiss. "This event, I want to go." I stroked his cheek with my thumb, grazing his lips. I wanted more.

I smiled. "I want you to come too."