In-Between the Shadows

18. Engagement

I had made a plan. I would marry Jane. The excitement of it coursed through my body. It was all that I could think about for the next few days. 

It wasn't soon after that did I start looking for a suitable ring, one that I could afford, I mean. I was on my last few dollars. I scaped together all that I could find, just enough for a cheap promise ring at best. I would afford a real, beautiful one once I landed an excellent job.

Jane would be understanding, I knew she would be. She'd understand that I was a hard-working man that would keep his promise. 

I thought about her father. She had told me quite a lot about him - how he was a kind and understanding man that was easy to get along with - how he loved her mother very much. I was almost certain he would approve of me. And when the time came, I would play my part as the husband and doctor-to-be and express to him how I would take care of his daughter and love her to my heart's content. 

On my outings to treat patients, I would wander over to jewelry shops, peaking at rings. It was hard, very hard not to cringe at the prices. I could not help but almost cry because of it.

I thought about sending a letter to my parents about my plans for engagement in hopes of money, but it would be risky to send false hope. However, there was a bright side to all of this. My marriage to Jane would mean that I would be able to stay in New York. I would tell them that Jane's father was very ill and that it was critical that I stayed by his side in case of anything. We would elope then, and quickly put money down for a place to reside. Then, when the time came, I would buy a place before my parents could say anything.

I tried to keep my hopes up. I worked even harder at work, and Dr. Glass noticed.

"In good spirits, I see," he said, as I handed him a file of paperwork. We were busy tidying up his office. It was much needed to say the least. 

"I suppose so," I said. I couldn't help but smile.

"I would hope that it is for a promising, useful thing."

"I believe that it is."

"Well, what is it then? Out with it, boy!"

I straightened up. "I am going to propose to a beautiful woman," I said quite confident. I couldn't stop smiling. I must have smiled from ear to ear.

Dr. Glass rolled his eyes. "Ah, yes, love, quite an effect it has on the human body. How disgusting."

I had to ask. "Is there something wrong with that, sir?"

"But of course there is! Love is an illusion!  A disease that destroys the mind of all sensible people. You become a baffoon! A hoax! Don't fall in love, Isaac. It can and will destroy you."

"Then what's good of any marriage?"

"Children, Isaac. You're a full-grown man. You should know this by now, especially now, don't you think?" he said with an eyebrow raise. "We can not function as a society without breeding-  that is the law of science. We exist to multiply."

My smile was falling, but I tried for it not to get the best of me. I carried a stack of files across the room, sorting them into drawers labeled by last names. I listened to Dr. Glass speak as I did so.

"You are making the wrong choice marrying this woman, Isaac. You will fall into a ditch that you can't climb out of. Love is an obsession, an addiction. You can't stop thinking about that person. You lose your sense of yourself. It is a hunger that can never be satisfied. Hurt is even worse. It is far worse. The hurt from that person will drive you mad. You will think about killing yourself. You will not sleep, you will not eat, you will wish to not exist. Love is indeed an illusion, whether you believe it is or not, once you've walked blindly in the dark, you struggle to find your way out."