Fantastic Breasts & Where To Find Them

Cass

I had been spending so much time reading the Encyclopædia of Melancholy Moods that it was dragging down my mood. The weeks passed and the only time I was happy was in Newt Scamander's biweekly seminars. Professor Buhmer thought I was crazy to sign up for a class so far off-topic from my thesis.

But, it was nice just to see him. He would occasionally look over to me or ask me a question, but Newt did that with all the students. I sometimes noticed him strolling across campus. But they said he spent most of his hours writing amd re-writing in his private Chesterhome chambers. I couldn't forget that one weird time when I saw him sitting on a blanket, hitting on a sexy Muggle. What was he doing? He wouldn't really date a Slow-Nimrod, would he?

Aunt Isla usually wrote back right away, but transatlantic owls could take a few weeks. So I was excited when Mr. Nelson told me I had an owl. I unrolled the parchment at once and saw my aunt's familiar loopy handwriting.

"September 19, 1922

"Dearest Cassiopeia,

"Uncle Bob has been putting in extra long hours at the brewery, preparing a large batch of Winter Butterale for the upcoming holiday season. He's says it's seasoned with nutmeg and nightshade and should be delicious. Remind me to send you some for your classmates, I know the U.S. is still suffering from that interminable Prohibition! Speaking of suffering, I've had horrible headaches and am spending most of my time in bed, but enough about me!

"I asked around about Newton Artemis Fido Scamander. I've never met him, but apparently he's a fellow Hufflepuff from Hogwarts. (I've always liked to think you would have been sorted into Hufflepuff like your aunt, but with your brain you probably would have been a Ravenclaw. Then again, you did spend most of your teenage years obsessed with my old Dark Arts books, so maybe our family tendencies towards Slytherin would have had some influence on the Sorting Hat, we'll never know. But I digress.) Patricia Longbottom told me Scamander was working for a few years at the Ministry's Office of House-Elf Relocation - those colonialist villains - but he didn't really start to thrive until he was transferred to the Beast Division. Now he has a second career writing for Augustus Worme and publishing articles on magical creatures. Rumors have it that it will one day become a book. But I have an aunt's intuition that you weren't just asking about Newt Scamander's professional successes.

"I couldn't believe it when Patricia told me! He used to go out with Porpetina Malfoy. Do you remember her, she was in those old mermaid movies when she was quite young? She had that long white hair and curves that could put your eye out. Anyway, Porpetina was an actress and model and one of the most gorgeous witches I have ever seen. Lucky Newt! He must be quite a looker to get a girl like that. I'm not sure if Porpetina's still in the picture, romantically, because she was abducted by the Dark Witch Gengha Quill while she was traveling with Scamander in Mongolia in 1919. No one has heard of her since, and she's presumed dead. Anyway, you're twice as beautiful as she was and I miss seeing your face at our breakfast table.

"I hope some of that's useful. You never said if you need Galleons, but I've sent some anyway. Love from Bob.

"Always,

"Your Aunt Isla"

My heart was racing and a thousand thoughts were going through my head as I rolled the letter back up.

"Are you alright, miss?" asked Mr. Nelson. "Bad news from home?"

"Oh, no, it's nothing. My aunt was just sending me some money. Apparently she's been having some headaches."

"Well, I hope she get better soon," he smiled.

I went outside Hilzegaard House and started walking up the busy street toward campus. I had a meeting with Professor Forrest-Wood to discuss my thesis, followed by Scamander's graduate seminar.