Fantastic Breasts & Where To Find Them

Deborah

Darling Hyacinth,

I'm devastated that you and Kermit missed the mixer, although I was so spifflicated I don't remember much of it at all. Karen says I need to learn to pace myself, and she's probably right.

So it's been a strange few days. This old janitor came to me and said they'd found a toxic chemical in the insulation of my dorm room! They're moving me to another house, but here's the crazy part: Apparently it's been messing with my hormones, and that's why my chest has been growing out of control. I've seen the school nurse, and she started me on a reverse hormone treatment. I already feel a few pounds lighter. What a relief!

The other news is that Franklin came to me and said we need to end things for good. He said he's met another girl on campus. I asked him about his girlfriend back in England, and he told some story about how she was abducted by an evil witch on the other side of the world. I laughed, but he seemed dead serious. He also said he still wants to be friends. I doubted that part, too. But then he made a date to meet for tea next week just to talk.

If you refuse to come down to Chester County, I'll have to come up to Ithaca to go to your next dance. I never seem to have any luck with boys down here.

Kisses,

Deb.