Grow as we go

I Chose you

Peter

Days went fast and before they know it the summer was over and MJ and Peter were starting in NYU in a week. They had settled in their new apartment for the last couple days now and they were overflowing with happiness. Peter had someone to come over after patrol and that made the long hours he was in rooftops waiting for someone to need spider-man's help, way better, because he knew Michelle will be home with a cup of hot chocolate and a hug. Always a hug. As soon as he was inside their apartment she was in his arms asking him if he was okay. And he loved her for that.

Things were going great and they both have found a job, so they were happy that they will be able to just relay on themselves and not in May. Peter was working at the apple store near his house and Michelle found a job in a bookstore. She loved reading so her being around them all the time was the ideal job for her. At least for now.

A night before they start in NYU Peter was sitting on the couch next to Michelle, arms wrapped around her waist, watching a movie. When the movie ended Michelle was already asleep in his arms, so he lift her, she made a soft noise but her breathing slowly went back to normal continued sleeping while he carried her in their bed room. He gently put her under the covers, kissed her in the forehead and lay next to her, cuddling. He slowly drift off.

~~~~~~~

He was back in space; Tony was holding him while Peter was slowly turned into dust. He could feel it, he could feel that he is going to die and all he could think was May and Ned and a girl he really liked from school. Now he would never have the chance to see them again, to tell them he loves them. But he will see his parents again, so he will be okay.

And then all the sudden Peter is alive and now he is the one who's holding Tony. Tony is dying, he is dying and there is nothing Peter can do to change that. "if you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive." Mysterios voice sneaks inside his head "anyone who gets close to you will die because of you" and he just screams and sobs and then he just wakes up.

~~~~~~~

"shhh baby, it's okay, I've got you, you are okay shhh" he wakes up in Michelle's arms, she is holding him tight and strokes his hair. It takes him a moment to realize what it's happening and when he does he stands up and wipes the tears away from his face.

"I...I'm okay, I'm sorry I wake you. Go back to sleep, i...I will go get some water" Michelle now is sitting on their bed, she wraps her arms around his waist from behind and she kisses him on the neck. He shivers in her kiss.

"Talk to me, Peter..please talk to me. You'll feel better" she says in his neck and her breath sends chills in his spine.

"Please Em, go back to sleep. We have to wake up early tomorrow, I will get some water and I will be okay." Peter doesn't want to talk about his dream to her. He is already putting her in so much stress because he is spider-man, he doesn't want her to feel any more worried about him than she already does. He can't tell her about his nightmares or that it's been almost 2 years since Tony died but he still has panic attacks, that he is still dealing with his grief. Its better if he does that alone.

" Peter..." she whispers but he is already off bed and heading to the kitchen, leaving her in their room with tears behind her eyes.

Michelle

Peter walked out of their room without looking at her. He was crying in his sleep and that's not the first time he had nightmares. She knows that being a superhero comes with consequences and she can't even imagine what Peter has to face every day, what horrors he has seen and he is only 18. But she wants him to know he is not alone in this, that he has people who love him and they are here to help him. He has her and she needs to make him understand that and not push her away. So she follows him into the kitchen.

He is standing next to the kitchen table holding a glass of water in his hands but he is not drinking it. He just stares at the glass and his eyes are holding back tears. He turns away and wipes his face when he notices her.

"MJ I told you I'm o-" but she cuts him off 

"no Peter, don't tell me you are okay. You were sobbing baby. Look I know I can't understand what you going through as spider-man and what terrors you have to witness every day but I am here for you and you don't have to go through all this alone" she said and moved close to him wrapping her hands around his waist.

" just talk to me" she whispered closed to his lips, resting her head in his. He unwrapped her hands from his waist and went towards the living room.

"It's not something you can help Em. You have enough in your plate because of me as it is. This is something I don't want to burden you with" he said to her and looked at her with sad eyes.

"because of you? Peter I love you, you make me happy. So I don't understand why you think that I-"

"It's because you love me that you have to put up with the mess that is my life Em, do you think that I don't know how you are always worried of me or how I constantly put you in danger just by simply being with you? I love you so much and that puts you constantly in danger and I hate myself for that, but I'm selfish enough and I can't leave you so the least I can do is not burden you with the emotional shit I have to deal with." His eyes are full of sadness and his voice breaks at the end as he looks at her. Michelle sits on the couch next to him and take his hand on hers.

" Peter, I chose this life way before you realize that you are in love with me. In my mind I planned our life together since we were 15 – and that sounds creepy and pathetic maybe- but I knew I loved you just like I knew you were spider-man. So yes I will be worried because you are spidey and you run around saving lives and you will be worried about me. That's what we do, that's the life we both agree to and I won't change that for anything else in the world. I don't want a normal boyfriend or whatever, I want you and everything that comes with it." She took a deep breath, looked him in his big glossy eyes and continued.

"but in order for us to work, you need to let me in. You need to talk to me, to let me help you. Don't shut me out, I can't handle that." she shook her head with tears in her eyes so he moved closer to her and took her in his lap and kissed her.

" I will never deserve you, but I love you so much." he whispered in her lips. She pulled away a little, holding his face on her hands.

" don't say that. You are the kindest person I know. You are a nerd though, but no one is perfect I guess" she said and shrugged, he laughed and pulled her in kissing her again.

" I will not push you away anymore, I...I promise, but Em if...if this ever becomes too much for you and you want an out, you ca-"

" I will never want an out" she interrupted him looking in the eyes.

" I love you too, you know?! So much" she said and kissed him. He took her in his arms and lead them to their bedroom.