Drowned but Not Out

Chapter 2

TW : suicidal thoughts

The next morning Meredith is getting ready for work but keeps getting distracted by her thoughts.

I'm so ordinary. I hate that so much. Why do I have to be so ordinary?

Meredith is so deep in her thoughts she doesn't realize she's stopped getting ready and has sat down on her bed. She just stares at nothing while she's stuck in her head.

"Mer? You okay?" Derek questions her. He sees the look on her face and wonders if something is bothering her. He wonders if visiting her mom upset her and she didn't say anything about it. He knows she keeps everything in but wishes she would let him for once.

No answer from Meredith who's stuck in her thoughts still.

What's the point in me trying to be a surgeon if I'm so ordinary? I'm never going to amount to much so why should I even try? My mother doesn't believe in me so why should I?

"Mer??" Derek says, gently shaking her shoulder to rouse her from her thoughts.

"Huh?" Meredith jumps, not realizing Derek was talking to her.

"I was asking if you're okay. You seem a bit distracted this morning. You've been all zoned out for the past five minutes." Derek says in a worried tone.

Five minutes? I had no idea he was talking to me. I mean why would he talk to me? If I were him I wouldn't talk to me. I'm so worthless and ordinary. Unlikable.

"I'm fine. I'm going to go take a bath."

"You sure?" He asks.

No. I hate myself Derek. I want to die.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She lies.

Meredith leaves the room and enters their bathroom, closing the door behind her. She allows a single tear to escape before she quickly wipes it away.

Stop crying Meredith. Keep it together. No one can ever see your emotions. That includes yourself.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror and makes a face at what she sees.

I'm so ordinary. So useless. No wonder my mother doesn't seem proud of me. I mean even I'm not proud of myself. Why should I be? I'll never amount to much. Clearly my mother knows everything and well if she doesn't think I'm special or ordinary enough than I shouldn't think well about myself either.

Meredith starts the water for her bath and lets the water fill all the way to the top. Once it's at the top she gets in. She sighs in relief and tries to relax but her thoughts keep getting louder and louder.

I'm so useless.

So ordinary.

So boring.

I'll never amount to much, if anything.

Why should I even try to be a surgeon? I should give up now before I fail and embarrass myself and my mother.

I hate my boring, ordinary life.

I know my mother regrets having me.

I hate myself also.

Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here anymore. That would make everyone happier.

With that last thought Meredith allows her body to sink underneath the water. She just feels so done with everything. She just wants everything to stop for a moment. She needs a break from life.

Meredith allows her body to take in water, not bothering to hold her breath at all. Her body soon begins to not get enough oxygen and she allows herself to pass out.

Derek realizes Meredith has been in the bathroom for a really long time and is getting worried about her so he decides to knock on the door.

"Mer? You doing okay in there?" He calls out. "Mer?"

No response from Meredith so he decides to open the door and is extremely shocked and terrified by what he sees.

"Meredith!!!!"

We hope you liked! Thanks to my cowriter natkat28