Drowned but Not Out

Ch14

TW self harm , suicidal thoughts

Derek decides he needs to talk to Bailey and see if she has any suggestions on how to help Meredith.

He grabs his phone and quickly goes to his contacts and clicks on Bailey's name. It rings twice before she picks up.

"Shepherd, what is it? I'm a little busy right now." Bailey says,annoyed and then sighs. "Is Meredith okay?"

"Well... she's not doing great, Bailey. She keeps having absence seizures. She's totally out of it. And her tics are pretty bad and seem to be getting worse. She will yell out random words periodically. I don't know how to help her with that or the times when her tics make her hurt herself. I don't want there to be another arm dislocated incident again." Derek explains.

Bailey sighs when she hears how Meredith is doing. "That's not good. How is she doing otherwise?"

"She has such a short temper. She was yelling at me earlier when I was trying to talk to her about the accident. She kept yelling at me to shut up which is very unlike her. And when she was yelling her tics worsened. This has happened multiple times where she'll get upset and yell."

"Shepherd. I think we need to place her on a medical leave right now. I'll talk to Webber to make it official but she can't be around patients like this. She can't be having seizures in front of patients or randomly yelling words. We need to make her condition more manageable before she can return to work." Bailey said.

"I agree. She won't like it but it's for the best."

"Also, you should bring her in for more tests. She needs more neurological tests done for insurance purposes to prove she has a disability."

"She's not going to like that Bailey. You know how stubborn she is." Derek says.

"I know but it's for her own benefit. Just bring her in and we will tell her when she gets here."

Derek sighs. "Okay. We will come in this morning. Let me have her get ready."

They hang up.

Unknown to Derek, Meredith is upstairs having an absent seizure. Once she comes out of it she is all unfocused.

What just happened? Did I have another absent seizure? I hate this so much! I hate my life! I just wish I would have died when I drowned. Everyone would be so much better off without me. I hate myself so much. I want to be done. I'm done with my life. I don't care what happens to me.

I need to cut. That will help.

Meredith grabs her razor and starts cutting her thigh. She makes several cuts and doesn't stop until she hears Derek calling her name.

"Mer? You in there?"

"Y-yeah. Be *tut* o-out ducks in *tut* a f-few." She quickly cleans her thigh up and bandages her leg up.

Once she's done she leaves the bathroom and sees Derek in their room waiting for her.

"Hey Mer, we need to go see Bailey. Can you get ready so we can go?"

"W-Why *tut* are w-w g-going to s-see Bailey?" Meredith blinks rapidly.

"She just wants to check on how your recovery is going."

She can mind her own business. I'm fine.

"C-can we *tut* s-skip it? I-I'm f-fine."

"No Mer, we can't skip it. Come on, let's go in the car."

Meredith reluctantly follows him to the car and gets in and buckles herself up.

They drive to the hospital and arrive there shortly.