one shots / Slaxl

What's Wrong With Me?

  * I've decided to make these chapters a bit more interesting and with better English. I hope you will enjoy them again *

We are finally on tour with the use your illusion albums. We worked so hard to make these albums perfect, it took days, sleepless nights, too many bottles of alcohol and courage. I am really excited about what we did.
Last night was fire! The crowd was so loud, great, and welcoming it felt like I was in heaven. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve all the attention and the fame. I feel so anxious when I think about it. I'm not that good to deserve to be next to the boys, especially when I make them regret their decisions about our band. I hate to cause them headaches. If I'm being honest...there are moments when we're getting ready to go on stage and my brain tells me to go home, to hide. There are people watching and laughing at me, waiting for my next mistake or mental breakdown. It's stressful.

   It's 3 am

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about those horrible days when I was waking up and asking myself " when am I gonna end it?". I keep thinking about that asshole and how he used to make me shut my goddamn mouth whenever he wanted. I still feel his hands all over my body, I can still hear his laugh, it makes me sick. It makes me wanna throw up and run away. If I could just leave my head in one place and run away from it, I would be the happiest man alive. I can not say these things out loud, I can't talk about it. I can't be weak in front of anyone. The only person who saw me fucked up was Izzy.
Izzy used to be always with me, next to me. It was us against the world. Even now he knows when something's wrong with me or I can see when he is stressed. We can just read each other without talking about it. I guess that's what 14 years do to a friendship.

  I'm on the floor and it's cold. Everything feels cold now. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. His voice is haunting me, I can hear him scream my name and I'm again in my room crying and shaking hopping that he won't open the door. Hopping that he forgot I exist.

I hear a knock on the door, I start to panic, my heart is beating faster and faster. I feel like I'm going to pass out at any time. My hands are sweaty. I can not remember if I am in my hotel room or in that haunted house. I can not breathe, I've already lost my vision. What is wrong with me? I thought that I finally got over it. Why am I still crying about my fucked up past?!

  " Axl, is me, Slash, are you sleeping?"

Why is Slash here? Where am I? I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I try to open my mouth but the words won't come out. I can't even hear my own voice anymore.

  " Axl, are you in there? Can I come in?"

I try to make up the words, to make sure he leaves, to pretend I'm fine but it's all a blur. I feel dizzy, ready to throw up in any moment.

Without another warning, he opens the door. I can see the light from the hallway behind him but I can not make up his silhouette. The body comes closer to me, closer to the bed behind me. I have no idea what is going on. I can feel a warm hand on my body.

" Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Don't you dare to touch me!" I start crying harder than before. My body is shaking and it makes me feel like I've lost control.

" Axl, calm down for a second. What is going on? What happened? Talk to me."

" If you touch me again, I swear to God that I'm gonna kill you! You sick fucking bastard! I'm not under your control anymore! You can't play games with me, you sick, horrible man!"

" Hey, hey. I'm not touching you. I don't want to hurt you."

" Don't you dare! Don't! " My head was playing the same old tapes, the same old memories.