one shots / Slaxl

What Happened To Us?

It was night, outside it was raining and the city was full of lights. Only on my street, the lights were gone. In my house it was dark as well, it was cold and wet because I was staying with the windows wide open. I was playing a new song I wanted to show Duff when a knock was at my door. I opened the door and there was you, the love of my life. Your green eyes looked directly into mine, and your eyelashes were wet. I knew you'd been crying but I didn't want to talk with you. I let you in, you were drunk and wet. I didn't say a word, I just looked at you and you started talking like you always do. I guess some things never change. I wanted to listen to you but I couldn't, I was tired and you were playing the victim again. It was late to argue with you and I knew that it was impossible to talk with you. I hated that you came at my door to ruin things again. I wanted to put you in the past. I was tired and depressed. Your ginger hair was all over your face and you didn't even have a jacket on you in the middle of autumn. You didn't have any rings on your fingers, not even bracelets. You were wearing a white dirty blouse and some blue jeans. You were so wasted it hurt
" Please, I'm sorry" I couldn't respond, it hurt too bad to even look at you. I looked at the floor and you got closer to me, putting your hands around my neck and looking at me. You hurt me so bad but again I let you kiss my neck like the fool you know I am
" I missed you so much" I never imagined being like this. I never imagined our relationship like this, it hurt my heart so badly
" Did you miss me?" I wanted to tell you that I couldn't sleep well at night because of you, that I was sleeping with your clothes, that I was listening to our songs just so I can hear your voice. I wanted to tell you how much I cried to Duff about you, how Izzy punched me because of you, how Stevie said that you are a fucking bastard for doing what you know you did. I didn't want to look weak, you were the weaker one. I was always telling myself that so I can grow my ego but it was a lie. You were never weak, I was. You were the strongest person I've ever met.
I kissed you without even realizing it. I wanted to feel your lips, to hold you in my arms again, to smell your skin. I wanted you so bad that I felt my skin on fire. I remember that I put you on the table and I took off your clothes, you kissed my cheek and I looked into your eyes knowing exactly that it was a mistake. Your eyes still are my weakness, those beautiful green eyes still make my knees weak. You know what happened after I looked into your eyes. I want to say to the world that I hated what we did but I would lie. I loved it, I loved hearing your voice again, I missed you calling my name and you can't tell me that I'm lying when I say that spreading you open was always the only way of knowing you. I was drunk with you and I had to get out before it was too late. You were stronger than heroin or any drug I've ever tried. When we finished you kissed me whispering ~ I love you ~ over and over again. I knew it was true, you were hurting too not just me but call me crazy if it was all my fault.
  I gave you clean clothes and I sang to you the song I had to show the next day. You started singing some random words and without even trying you did my lyrics. It was like the good old times, us again on a couch playing music and making love. When we were singing we were making love and when we were having sex, we were making music. You looked at me and I finally asked the question that was running every day in my brain since we stopped talking
" What happened to us?"
" I don't know"
" What do you mean?"
" I tried to explain to myself what happened but I couldn't find the right answer."
" So I'm supposed to believe you? Why did you come in the first place?"
" It doesn't matter, I just wanted to see you"
" I know when you lie, tell me"
" I realized that what I did was wrong because I left you behind, I left you on your own with this shitty problem over which I knew you couldn't go through alone. You tried to find comfort in drugs which fucked you up. You were someone else, you weren't the man I fell in love with. This pushed me in doing what I did. I came here to apologize because I was so stupid for leaving you on your own. * you looked at the painting my mom did when we started dating and a tear ran on your cheek* I can not live without you"
" You lied to me, you left me alone, you weren't there for me and I know I messed up too but I would have never done to you what you did to me. Our relationship was so fucked up. You were drinking, I was doing drugs. We were only talking to each other when it was about music. Do you really know me? Because I clearly don't know the person in front of me"
" Yes, I know I messed up but what I did was because of you. You stopped talking to me, Saul. You were so cold that when I was coming home it felt like you weren't even there"
" My mom died, Axl! I yelled at you and you flinched, I felt awful but I couldn't control my temper. You came again into my life after I tried so hard to get over you. " She was so important to me, how did you want me to be, happy? Did you want me to fuck you every time you felt horny? Did you want me to party with Izzy, Duff, and Steven? You literally called me a junkie when you drank every single day because you couldn't deal with your shit. How would you feel if I called an alcoholic? When that guy raped you after our show I was there for you but you couldn't be there for me when I needed you the most. I was always there for you, Axl"
" You weren't! Remember when you left me alone in the middle of the street after we found out that I have bipolar disorder and you called me crazy? People were looking at us, Saul"
" I called you crazy because you are crazy. You wanted to kill your alcoholic step-dad on your birthday because he called you to say that you were a bitch and you were fucked by everyone"
" He made my life a living hell. I always wanted that fucker dead"
" I think your dad was right when he said that you were fucked by everyone, you bitch"
  " How can you say that about me? You know it's not true" you stood up
" Oh shut the fuck up. It is true, everyone wants to sleep with you, everyone talks about your ass and your hips Everyone said to me that you fucked over thirty people and when I asked you about it you changed the subject." We were standing in front of each other
" Are you jealous or what?"
" Oh please, I fucked you so many times. I know every part of your body"
" You loved to fuck me on your table one hour ago, asshole"
" So did Izzy"
" Don't bring Izzy into this"
" Oh shut up! Tell me, can Izzy make you cum faster than me?"
" Of course, he can and I may be crazy but at least he never called me crazy as you did"
  We both stopped talking and looked at each other. Your face was red, full of anger and your hands were shaking. I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. I wanted you to leave, I wanted you to go away and never come back. When I opened my eyes you weren't there. Outside it started raining harder than two hours ago with thunder and flashes of lightning.
Our last fight remembered me of the first time I met you. It was a wonderful day and Steven gave me a ticket to a Hollywood Rose concert. We went to see the show and I was excited because I heard about these two bad boys with great talent. I saw Izzy first, he was tuning his guitar. Izzy had long black hair and a cigarette in his mouth, a black cap on his head, and a beer next to his right foot. There were more than fifty people which was impressive at that time for a new band. After I opened a beer I saw you. This beautiful boy with ginger hair, black boots, and leather pants, no shirt on, and a blue bandana on your head. You started talking at the microphone and that's when I fell in love with your voice. It was deep and smooth. I couldn't stop looking at you, I was mesmerized just like everyone else. After you guys finished your songs a man called you a bitch. I remember it like it was yesterday. I never asked if you know that guy but the look on your face was all I needed to know. When he called you a bitch you looked at him and the asshole started making movements with his hands and hips while he was calling ~ Axl, Axl do you remember what I did to you last night?~. Your face was red with embarrassment and irritation just like when I called you a bitch. You started screaming at that man and punched him. Izzy stood up and put his hands around you to stop you and you stopped. I should have known that something was up with you and him but I guess I was too blind.
After a while we became friends and we started spending more time together, just me and you. I liked to spend time with you before all the craziness. It was really fun. We were so crazy together. Every time I would let you in front of your apartment I wanted to kiss you but Izzy would open the door and talk to you. You and Izzy were sharing this small apartment and somehow he was always there when I was. The man was interesting but I felt that he knew I was falling in love with you. He was also falling in love with you.
  When we started the band together, I told Duff about my feelings. He was the first person to ever know that I fantasize about you, that I wanted to hold your hand and whisper in your ear how much I love you.
You were trouble and maybe that's why I fell in love with you. I remember when we were standing at the bridge, looking down at the dirty water. You had your hair in a bun and glassed on, your lips were red and your eyes were so green. I got closer to you and you put your hands around my neck smiling
" Are you going to kiss me or what?" I blushed and I kissed you
We started dating after that and the band was going so well. We were so sweet to each other at first, we would go on dates, and see movies together, we were having sex on your couch when Izzy wasn't home, I was showing you music, and you were showing me books and movies. Every day I was falling more and more in love with you.
After a year the album was done and we were touring the world together. Sleeping in the same hotel rooms, watching the news in the morning, singing with the band every night, drinking, partying, playing poker with people, and having sex in every empty room we could find. Everything was a dream until I started seeing the way Izzy was looking at you. We told the boys about our relationship and even if they knew Izzy couldn't stop staring at your lips every time you talked. I wasn't the jealous type but with Izzy was something else. You were childhood best friends, he knew you for so many years and I didn't. I tried to stop thinking about it because I knew you were mine.
After almost two years I started hearing again the rumours with you and multiple people so I asked people about it. I was curious and you never told me about it. ~Axl used to fuck everybody. If they were paying he was up to it; He is known for being amazing in bed, everyone wants him; I think he had done it with over thirty people ~ Different people were telling the same things. Do you remember when I asked you and you left the house without saying a word for three days? I tried to ask you numerous times about it but you were always avoiding the subject so I stopped.
After three years of dating my mother died and I was devastated. My mom was really important to me. She was one of the people I loved the most so I couldn't deal with it and I started taking drugs. You always hated drugs so I was doing it without you knowing and it worked for a time. We were touring, making money and I was grieving in silence. You started drinking to deal with your stuff. We had just found out that you were bipolar and you were always denying it. We stopped laughing, we stopped waking up next to each other. I was waking up on the bathroom floor or a random couch. You were waking up also in different places. When we got home after the tour you knew I was doing drugs, I knew you were almost always drunk. We weren't even talking with each other anymore, the addictions were too much for both of us. We stopped having sex, we stopped eating together, staying together. Things changed and it hurt. I was crying in the bathroom so you can not hear me, I was in grief after my mother and you didn't even ask me if I need a hug
~ Ax, where are you going?"
" I'm going out, there is a party and Izzy asked me if I want to go"
" Where is the Jack Daniel bottle?"
" I drank it"
" When?"
" Last night. Good night, Slash"~
You even stopped calling me Saul, it was always Slash. When you left at that party you were already really drunk and you were ugly. I mean you still looked amazing, that body was still making me crazy but you always smelled like alcohol and cigarettes and the addiction was getting you. Your face was pale and you had dark circles around your eyes. I wasn't too far either, in that night I passed out high in our room and when I woke up you weren't there. I started doing more heroin than before, it made me feel so much better. It made me stop thinking about where you are, about my mother, about everything.
One of the days I hate the most was when you caught me high in the living room, and we started arguing. You weren't drunk finally
~ " Slash, I have this amazing idea for our new albums?"
" I'm watching TV"
" Okay but look at me for a moment, it's really important. "
" I don't have the energy"
" Are you okay?"
" Why do you care?"
" What do you mean? Of course I care "
" I don't think you do, not anymore"
" I don't know what you are talking about. I don't understand why you are high in the middle of the afternoon. You know I hate that stuff"
" I don't care"
" Excuse me?"
" When you are drunk all day I don't tell you anything. Leave me alone"
" No, I'm not going to leave you alone. You shouldn't be high. What did you take?"
" Heroin"
" Heroin?" I nodded " You bastard"
" Oh shut up"
" Why do you talk to me like that?"
" Maybe because you deserve it"
" What do you mean? Slash, we are finally famous. I finally have money, my dream had finally come true and what are you doing? Izzy stopped doing drugs because they were fucking with him, I think you should do it too"
" Go fuck yourself"
" What?" I looked at you
" I said go fuck yourself. Stop talking to me about Izzy"
" What is wrong with Izzy?"
" Everything" You looked confused
" Don't you see the way he looks at you? Don't you see how much he wants to fuck you? Don't you see how he talks to you?"
" He is my best friend for over 14 years"
" You are a hypocrite and fucking blind"
" When was the last time we had sex?"
" Maybe two months ago, I don't know. You were too distant and drunk to even talk to me, oh and let's not forget. You were too busy going to parties and leaving me alone"
" I haven't left you alone"
" Yes, you had. Do you remember that my mother died?"
" I know she died and what do you want me to do? Cry?"
" Oh, go fuck yourself. I hate you"
" I hate you more, you junkie"
" Go to Izzy, he will be happy to see you, bitch"
" Fuck you!" ~
After that day everything was over. Days had left and you weren't home, I was so high I thought I was on the moon when Steven called to tell me that he heard a person fucking you and I knew it, I fucking knew it. You stopped loving me, you were the bitch people said you were. I called Duff and he couldn't believe it, " Axl to do something like that to you?" I asked myself the same question and the answer was always " Yes". After three years our relationship was over.
The next day I got into the studio to play music, it was the only way I could stop crying and there I saw Izzy. He was smoking a cigarette and smiling at a woman, I couldn't remember who she was. When he came into the studio he asked
~ " What happened to you, Slash?"
" Oh nothing" I tried to lie
" Come on man, tell me. We are bandmates "
" Axl cheated on me"
" What?"
" Yeah...Steve told me he heard Axl moaning in the studio, he was with someone"
" Oh shit"
" I can't believe he did that to me"
" I'm sorry"
" Me too... Everyone called him a slut, a bitch, a whore but I tried to pretend like they were lying. Maybe he is a bitch" Izzy stopped talking and took another cigarette from his pack
" How can he do something like that to me? I tried to be there for him,  I did everything I could"
" I don't think you did"
" Excuse me? What do you mean?"
" You knew he was bipolar, you weren't there to support him when the manager called him crazy. You left him in the middle of the street, you called him crazy"
" He wasn't there for me when my mother died, he was too drunk to care. He is just a player, a dirty slut, an asshole, crazy motherfucker"
" Stop talking about him like that"
" Why? You know I'm right" he stood up and got closer to me
" Listen to me...if you call Axl one of those things again I will beat the shit out of you"
" What?"
" I fucked him and he loved it. I made him happy, something you couldn't do anymore " I wanted to punch him so bad
" Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" I pushed Izzy into a wall and he clenched his fists looking directly into my eyes
" Try me, motherfucker" said him slow
"It's all your fault"
" No, it's your fault Slash, not mine. I just knew when to do it" I punched him and he punched me back.
The band was over and everyone was talking about it. Guns N' Roses was finally over. I tried to move on as Duff said but you were everywhere I was going. People were asking me about you, I was asking about you. I couldn't stay in our house so I moved into a really beautiful house. Two years left and I started a new band with Duff, I was still trying to move on and my friends were proud of me. Everything appeared good again until you came to my door. I think we can both say that we hurt each other like two stupid people who never knew how to communicate with each other. I'm sorry for what I did to you and I hope that you are sorry too. I still don't know why you did some things, I guess you didn't want to run over your ego but I had every right to know. Anyway, it's too late to talk about it. Please, if you will read this. I want to you know how much I loved you and how much I wished things were different between us. Take care and be careful. See you next time!

                                       ~ Slash~