Rumors. (BxB)

PROLOGUE

     "Felix..." I hear my therapist's voice in the background.

     "...Yes?" I respond.

     "You're doing it again, sweetheart. You stopped in the middle of a sentence."

     "Oh... I'm sorry. What was I saying?"

     "You seem distracted today... What's on your mind?"

I stopped for a little bit, because I had a lot of things on my mind. For the first time in what feels like forever, my mind is not clear with what I want to say. 

     "Umm... Paolo is going to Italy again. It's the third time these 2 months."

     "Have you spoken with him about how you feel?" Asked the therapist.

     "Nah... I know he's cheating. I looked on his phone the other night. Haha... his ex's message popped right up as I was checking it. It's so funny...God, he doesn't even have discretion. Like, come on! If you're going to cheat on me, at least be smart about it. He just left so many clues up to the point that even the housekeeper knows! So fucking embarrassing." I respond. 

When I talk to her, I feel like my brain moves much faster.

     "...What are you going to do this time?"

     "I'll break up with him, of course, when he comes back. I just feel so embarrassed that it had to get to this point, you know? What it is about me that I... Do I have a curse or something? Every man I date turns out to be a fucking asshole. What's wrong with me?"

I take a break. My hands on my face don't allow me to see the therapist, but I know she's writing, analyzing me, analyzing what to say next.

     "There's nothing wrong with you, Felix. Him, and your ex, cheating on you doesn't say anything about you, but a lot about them. They have their own issues internally, and at the end the only way they can feel like they have control over their emotions, is, sadly, cheating. It's just sad that it has to involve you and your feelings in the process."

     "You're right. You know... I'm not even mad he cheated on me. I couldn't care less, really. What gives me the creeps is that, somehow... I feel like I expected it. Like maybe that's the reason I got close to him in the first place. Does that make sense?" For the first time in the whole session, I look at her.

She probably knows more about me than me, and that itself gives me comfort, but at the same time, it's kind of scary to know that no way in hell am I capable of lying to her about how I feel. It's like to every question I can possibly have, she already knows I might ask that and has the answer prepared.

     "You, probably and unconsciously, look for men that remind you of a past you wish to change. The thing is no one is capable of doing that. You only can change the future... Hahaha." The therapist's laughter confuses me.

     "What?"

     "Sorry, sweetheart. I just remembered a conversation I had with another patient... Anyhow, be sure to break up with him, okay? There's no need to extent the inevitable. Right now, with the success of your book, the thing you have to do is to focus on yourself and thrive."

     "Yes... I'll do that, but it's not like a have an option. People are already asking for a second part."

     "Oh, really? Hahaha, that's amazing!"

My book had been such a big success, that in the first 24 hours, it was sold out. I'm happy about it, but I still feel the pressure of having to be better next time.

     "Sweetheart... You seemed troubled. Is the success of your book troubling you somehow?"

     "People are asking for a sequel, but... If I really come out with one, it'll have to be fantasy. My story with... him, finished... there. That's the end."

     "... Maybe that's the closure you need. Finding an end to a story that could've being more. Even if it's a fantasy. Your story, although based on your memories, the moment you write it on a piece of paper and sell it as a book, it becomes that... A story. Now that it's part of a book, its changeable. You can alter it however you please. Don't you think that's therapeutic?"

     "Probably. I still... feel like I have nothing to come up with. Where can I start?"

     "Maybe... start where it ended? The book ends on that apartment complex. Maybe giving that place a visit might give you the inspiration you need. Also, a step away from the city is good too."

I'm about to say something else, but the beeping of her wristwatch stops me. Her final words still running around my head, but even though it confuses me, at the end, it might work. It might be exactly what I need.

She hasn't been wrong before. Why would she be wrong now?

     "Well! It was so nice seeing you again, Felix. Hope you give it a thought about what I said. Will I see you next appointment?"

     "Yes, Mrs. Louis. Don't worry about it. I'll be here."