Light and Shadow

Chapter 16 - "It's a Secret"

As evening approached, Xun Yu awoke to the sound of hurried knocking coming from the front door of his home. He sighed, rubbed his eyes, and got up out of bed, fixing his paofu in the process. He then quickly walked toward the door and opened it. His eyes widened in surprise, and he moved to stand at the side of the door with a bow.

"My Lord, please come in," Xun Yu stated softly as he motioned for him to enter the residence. "I apologize for the wait."

"It's okay, I don't mind. You're worth the wait," Cao Cao replied with a wink as he entered the home.

Xun Yu frowned and shook his head disapprovingly.

"You have no shame." Xun Yu mumbled quietly, hoping that the man didn't hear him.

However, his hopes were dashed when he closed the entrance to the home and turned around, bumping into the man's chest as he looked down at him. Xun Yu gulped nervously as his back brushed against the door.

"My Lord?" Xun Yu inquired as the man's deep brown eyes gazed down at him.

"I do feel shame. I feel guilt, and I feel regret. I am hounded by my mistakes, yet I do not allow them to overcome me," Cao Cao stated. He took a few steps back from Xun Yu and gazed at him with eyes full of gentleness and regret. "But I did not come here to discuss my problems. I am here on more important business."

"I apologize for my impudence, my Lord. Please, take a seat and we can discuss things immediately." Xun Yu replied.

The two walked over to the table in the living area and sat down. Cao Cao gazed at the table with a forlorn expression. There was great pain lingering behind his words and eyes. Is he okay? I have not seen him this distressed in a while. And why did he decide to come here himself during this time of day? Something is wrong, but I am not sure what.

"Yu, before we begin, can I ask you something?" Cao Cao asked softly as he looked up and met Xun Yu's gaze.

"Of course. Are you okay? What's wrong?" Xun Yu inquired feeling concerned for the man.

Cao Cao looked at the man and carefully pondered his next words. He didn't want to say something wrong and risk the man taking it the wrong way. He still felt immensely guilty for sending Xun Yu away; although that incident was behind them, it still weighed heavily on his conscience, and he didn't know what to do. He was worried about Xun Yu, who was still dangerously thin, and he wanted to find someway to make things right with him. He didn't have much time to spare at the moment though as he was preparing to go to war against Yuan Shao, who was dangerously close to crossing over the border into his territory.

Yuan Shao's forces severely outnumbered theirs. The disparity in strength between them was so great that he feared many of his trusted officers would collude with the enemy; however, he wouldn't blame them if they did because the situation appeared to be hopeless. Yuan Shao's forces numbered close to 700, 000 while their forces numbered only in the 400, 000s. I wouldn't blame him if he decided to leave me. Can we really hope to beat such a massive force?

"Forgive me for being blunt, but..." Cao Cao began as he paused nervously. "Do you think that we have a chance against Yuan Shao? We are fated to clash soon, and I fear that only one of us will be left standing. I am worried that it will be him."

Xun Yu was surprised by the man's words. Cao Cao typically appeared to be confident and self-assured; however, the man who sat before him now displayed vulnerability and doubt. Cao Cao fidgeted with his hands in his lap underneath the table.

"I wouldn't blame you if you decided to leave me for Yuan Shao. I would rather you live than die with me." Cao Cao said softly as he looked at Xun Yu.