Left Behind

"Are you having a mid life crisis or something?".

Adalyn's POV

Age: 22 

Ash and I have been getting rocky lately. We have been fighting a lot because, he wants kids but, neither of us are ready at all. I mean I'm just twenty two years old! So I'm dropping you right before the argument started so you can also know how it ended. 

     "Adda, look at these". I smiled ready to see what it was, I saw they were baby clothes. I looked up frowning and Ash said, "We should buy these now so when we have a baby-". I looked at him and smiled, I said jokingly "Are you having a mid life crisis or something?". Ash laughed and said, "No I just, really want to be a dad". 

     I pulled his hand gently signaling to sit down with me. I said, "We aren't ready, I already told you this multiple times. That's what all out arguments are about". Ash said, "Yeah but, we still are having kids right?". I looked down and said, "Not anytime soon". 

     Ash looked at me impatiently and said, "I'm not asking you to start popping out kids now, I just want kids soon". I sighed and said, "But soon isn't long enough for me, kids is a huge decision". Ash said, "I just want to have kids while it's still easy because, you do this all the time". I sent him a questioning look and he continued, "You give up when it gets too hard and I don't want you to give up on our kids. I want our kids to have a mom". 

     Everything in that sentence made me snap. I said, "Oh so that's what this is really about. You think I can't be a good enough mom? Why are you setting up scenarios in your head about our kids that haven't even been concieved yet? Now your picking fights with me! You think what? Imma abandon you with a child? WHAT? DO YOU THINK I'M SELFISH?". 

     Ash seemed to get mad at me. Ash said, "NO! I NEVER SAID THAT. YOU'RE BEING ANNOYING RIGHT NOW! ALL I SAID IS I WANT KIDS AND YOU WON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY!"

     I threw my hands in the air and said, "OH SO NOW I'M LAZY! WHO DO YOU THINK IS MANAGING THIS COMBINED DYNASTY? ME! WHILE YOU AT HOME AND DO NOTHING SCROLLING ON SOCIAL'S LOOKING AT BABY PICTURES TO MANIPULATE ME INTO THINKING I DID SOMETHING WRONG BY SAYING 'NO' TO HAVING KIDS RIGHT NOW! I'M OUT THERE WORKING IN A MALE DOMINATED OFFICE". 

     I lowered my voice and said, "If you want kids so friggin bad just leave like everyone else does, just go and get another girl pregnant". Ash went ballistic, I've never seen so much anger in his eyes before. He said, "WHAT? HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT!? I'M WITH YOU! I LOVE YOU! THAT IS THE DUMBEST SENTENCE THAT HAS EVER COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH". He made a fast hand gesture and I only could see it from the corner of my eyes. 

     I was looking down, I felt like, I felt scared. Scared of him, I was scared he... I don't even know. I was scared he was about to leave me for real. I flinched at his movement and I saw everything in his body come to a complete stop. Ash looked at me and said, "D-did you think I-i was about to h-hit you?".

     I didn't answer his question, I don't know what I was thinking at that moment. Ash slowly walked toward me and touched my face gently. I didn't dare look him in the eyes. I said, "I'm sorry, you were just yelling and the hand gesture it just brought me back to a place I haven't been in, in a while". Ash said, "You mean when Abaddon took you". 

     I nodded and Ash gently pulled me into a bear hug. He said, "I'm so sorry, I love you. I would never hurt you ever. I could never, This is all my fault for being so aggressive when we should've just communicated about where the both of us are at". He pulled away and grabbed my face, he kissed me all over my face making me scrunch my face. 

     I started to giggle and he said, "There's my favorite smile. I'm so sorry, you can punch, kick, slap, ANYTHING TO ME. Don't forgive me for this". I said, "It's fine, there isn't anything to be sorry for. You got mad, we're human it's what we do. I'm not going to hit you because, you would never hit me". 

     Ash hugged me again and dug his head into my neck. It tickled a little so I flinched again. Ash pulled away quickly and said, "I'm sorry! did I scare you again!?". I laughed and said, "No silly, it tickled". Ash sighed and put his hand over his heart. 

     I said, "But we should talk about us having kids, and we should do it with civility". He nodded and that's what we did, I told him how I felt like he was pressuring me and how I wasn't ready. He told me how he just wanted to have a kid, we agreed upon a dog. That's where we started, her name is Honey.