One last time(book 1)✅

14

•few days later•

-Y/n-

You never know how lonely you are until night expands its wings announcing the end of the day. Few words can express plenty of things, some we can't take back, especially the hurtful ones, that's similar to knives penetrating your skin. You crave for forgiveness, however it's never easy for everyone to simply forgive.

I did what I had to do. I'm not someone worthy of him jeopardizing himself for. What's been eating me inside is the way I handled the situation. My words, they visibly crashed him with the worst kind of pain.

I would never trust my tongue ever again.

Maybe I was out of my head, the recent events really robbed me of my senses. But nothing changes the fact I hurt someone, who actually gave a damn about me, protected me prior to himself, yanked me out of death's unavoidable grip. Everything makes me a horrible person.

Namjoon knocks twice before entering in my room. "Are you awake yet?"

"Mhm, just woke up."

"Your friends are waiting for you downstairs, are you coming?"

I grunt "Could you please tell them I'm sick or something? I really don't want to leave my bed."

"Are you sure because Olivia said they're going for Christmas shopping."

"Yeah, I, I'd rather stay home."

He sits at the end of the bed.

"There is something wrong, I guess? Maybe we can solve it together?" He grabs my right foot shaking it softly.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just need some me time."

He stares at me waiting for me to tell the truth.

"Okay, alright! I'm sad."

"Why you sad? Did someone hurt you?"

"It's the other way around. For the first time, I bursted out on someone, and.." I heavily exhale "God, wish I could turn back time and withdrawn my words."

"You can always apologise, you know that, right?"

"Then I'm back to square one," Apologising means allowing him to risk his life again, which I can't. "Also I'm afraid to face them after everything I did. Not to mention, a part of me says it had to be done, I had no choice and the other part of me, downright regrets every word I said."

"Look, I'm not good at advices but I'd ask you to grow some balls, and apologise. Make it short and sincere not like some sappy ass logan paul apology."

He makes me laugh with his way of words.

"Now get your ass up. Touching some grass will clear up your head."

-

Not in the mood to have fun, I watch my Liv and her friend Belle, who I don't get along with, picking out clothes. I stare at myself in the mirror only to find my eyes looking dead and face almost colourless.

"Y/n, how do I look?" Liv asks twirling in her flowery dress.

"Pretty as alway-"

"You look fat." Belle speaks in her venomous tone as always.

"Belle, stop! She looks beautiful."

"Why are you getting mad? I'm just giving my opinion." She crosses her arms getting defensive.

"Well, she didn't ask you, plus you're just being mean without a reason right now. She looks alright."

"Hear yourself. You went from pretty to alright in a quick second."

Only if I could punch that smirk off her face!

"You're twisting my words and being rude." I yell in a moderately loud tone not to catch any attention on us.

"Would you rather be honest and save her from embarassment if she goes out looking like that or lie to keep her heart?"

"Guys, don't fight. Belle, You're right. I'll pick something else." Liv instantly goes inside the trial room to take the piece of cloth off with a sad face.

"Belle!" I grab her arm "Why would you do that? She's your best friend too, yet you always put her down, which says a lot actually."

"You wish I'd be jealous of you bozos," She tosses my hand "If you can't take my honest opinion, don't hang with me."

"You could have given your unsolicited opinion subtly? Don't you think atleast once before speaking that it might affect someone in a deeper level, even though they don't show it?"

My voice trails slowly as I comprehend my own words; I did the same thing to Jungkook.