Marvel Women One shots

E. O. Trickery

WARNING BEFORE YOU READ
This could possibly trigger someone so just stop reading if you get uncomfortable or whatever. (Not eating, minor self harm and self harm thoughts and depressing feelings) Little venting sprinkled throughout since I rather write then actually talk about my problems.

Anyway. If you're still here, have fun reading :)

Elizabeth and I have been dating for almost 4 months now which is great but with that we didn't know everything about each other yet. I was starting to feel like I did before I met her. I didn't understand why or when I even started feeling like this in the first place but it was happening and I did my best to hide it. I was kind of thankful that we decided not to move in with each other yet cause then I would have time to just sit in isolation. That's what I wanted. Isolation. Whenever I felt like this that's all I wanted although I knew full well that it didn't do me any good. I felt like all my friends had plans all the time and one of the only few things that kept me going was Elizabeth but I didn't want her to see me like this. Like this broken and hollow person I'd become so I filled my hollow shell with lies of happiness and laughter. As soon as I was by myself though I felt empty and cold so cold to the point that my hands and feet would freeze at times.

Every day when I saw myself in the mirror I felt like throwing up. I was disgusted with myself so eating, drinking and all the healthy things I used to do also faded. Skipping meals by accident because I'd been busy all day and chose to sleep instead slowly became a horrid habit and picking at my cuticles or any other scabs across my body also became a habit that gave me satisfaction since it would make me bleed sometimes and seeing the warm red liquid ooze from my skin calmed me in a way, it felt like I was getting what I deserved which of course lead me to my old thoughts of harming myself after 5 months of being clean I felt the relapse creeping but I hadn't given into it yet. It would hurt Lizzie if she knew so I try not to think about it although it's getting harder and harder by the day.

I know if she finds out what I keep in my room.. In the colorful jar that's hidden in a nook under my TV she wouldn't be happy. As much as it haunted me keeping things like that close I didn't move them. Or throw them away. I haven't looked in there for months but the urge to maybe just look into it to see the sharp blade that hid in a satin cloth was growing. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay away from it but I hope that I can hold out so all those months I worked of being clean I worked for didn't go to waste. I know that Lizzie is suspicious of my weird behavior lately which is making me nervous but as long as I continue changing the subjects of our conversations I should be fine. She came over this weekend so we're currently laying in bed watching TV when she intertwines our hands she looks up at me "Y/n, what happened to your nails?" she asks noticing my scratched up cuticles and I suck in a breath "Uhm I don't know maybe their just dry?" I attempt to shake the topic but she shoots me an unimpressed look "Did you do that? What's making you nervous?" she asks and I shake my head "Nothing just a meeting coming up t work I guess" I offer and she raises her brow "You sure? You know you shouldn't pick at your fingers." She says and I shrug "I won't" I smile even though I know that I'm smiling through a lie right now. Lizzie nods and turns her attention back to the television. I let out a small breath of relief as she drops it. "Are you hungry?" She asks and I swallow shaking my head "I'm good but you can gladly help yourself to anything" I offer and just as I finish my sentence my stomach let's out a loud growl "That was a lie. Now what would you like to eat baby? Do you want to order something?" she asks and I shrug "You can. I really don't want anything. I don't know why my stomach is growling, I'm truly not hungry." I defend and she glares at me "You're clearly hungry" she deadpans and I shake my head "I'm not I promise" I try and she shakes your head "I'm ordering food for both of us and you're eating too."  she decides "Liz don't waste your money I'm not hungry." I say and she sighs "Is it me?" she croaks and I scrunch my eyebrows "Where did you even get that from?" I ask and she shrugs "You never eat around me. Is it me?" she asks and I immediately shake my head "No baby. I'm just not hungry and that it's around you must be a coincidence" I try and she sighs giving in "Fine" she mumbles and orders food for herself and lays back into my arms after a while her food gets here and she offers me some but I refuse again once she's done eating we cuddle up and she quickly falls asleep. Another day filled with lies tricks complete. I don't know when I'll be able to tell her but until I am I'll keep my invisible persona up until I have to tell her because I can't stand the look she'll have when I do.

-A/n Yeah I don't like this one so I'll be deleting this later maybe idk yet tho c: