Behind the Closed Doors - KSIMON

03-BadDreams

EDITED✅
SIMON's POV-

We are officially in lockdown. Well the UK is anyways. I sigh unsteadily listening to the numbers of deaths and people who were going to suffer. I hate this.

JJ walks in and I switch the TV off, he'll probably start worrying about Ellie all over again and I can't help but not care. And I'm tired of acting like I do. Before JJ can say anything my phone rings and it's Freya. Josh's girlfriend...

"Frey?", i ask and there's nothing but silence.
"Freya", I whisper and I hear a sob. Oh my god. I go to another room leaving JJ alone. "What's happened?", i ask, I'm scared but I need to hear it. "Josh is", she doesn't finish her sentence. Oh my fucking god.

"Dead. He is dead", she sighs, breathing harshly. I feel my phone drop out of my hands. I hold my hand over my mouth and sob.

I jump out of my bed and breath in. Oh my fucking god. It was a dream. I sigh in relief and sit on the floor for a minute. JJ walks in and looks at my bed and around before looking down at me. "You good?", he asks and I nod. "Bad dream", i say as he's still looking at me weirdly.

"I'm gonna get breakfast started, anything you'd like or just what I'm having?", he asks and I shrug. He rolls his eyes and nods. He's been making me all my meals and making me finish or trying to make me finish until I'm crying saying I can't.

He never believes me. But I get it, I'm a liar. Every time I was full I wasn't I just felt so guilty I ate that much. I get up and ring Josh.

"Hey Simon how'd lockdown treating you?", Josh's happy voices breaks my dreaded thoughts and I smile. "It's alright. Lonely but it's alright", i sigh. No one knows I'm living here, Ellie thinks I went home after she left.

"I feel for you, can't imagine how insane I'd be going if someone didn't live with me", he muses and I laugh. "You'd piss on the walls and send it to the groupchat saying it's art", i joke and he laughs but starts coughing. Horribly coughing.

"Josh?", i panic and he stops and it sounds like he's drinking something. "Sorry about that, got the common cold we always get this time of year", he laughs it off but I can't help but think if my dream was a warning.

"Be careful and do covid tests like they say to, I hope I seen you soon", i sigh sadly and he sighs also. "Me too mate, me too", he sniffs and now I feel bad for making him cry. "Hey Josh I gotta go ring my mum, but be safe and I'll FaceTime you tonight", i say and he agrees and says bye.

I throw my phone to the end of my bed. It's been a week since the whole bathroom thing with JJ begging. He hasn't talked about it, I fell asleep as soon as I said okay and then I woke up alone. On the bathroom floor. Too heavy for him to carry me to bed apparently.

I'm just getting heavier. Every day, every minute this world is pushing me to break My promise to JJ but I don't have the balls. "Breakfast", I hear JJ shout from the kitchen but I don't move. I slide back into bed and pretend to be asleep.

"Simon breakfast", JJ is mid shouting as he comes through my door. He lingers for a while before going. His steps get far and further away before I open my eyes.

I just gotta stay asleep all day, say I'm ill if I have to.

***

It's noon and JJ made me have a heart attack when he came in my room. "Come on. Lunch is already made", he says smiling. He knows my game and I only played it once. I sigh knocking my TV off and going with him to the table.

We sit in silence and eat. It was pasta and shit load of cheese. Mine was real cheese, JJ's lactose intolerant so he had them other shit that tastes like shit. I look down and see almost a plate full left and I felt sick.

"I'm going toilet", i mumble and he grabs my arm and sits me back in my seat opposite him. "Eat", he says...more like demands and I sit back and fold my arms. "I'm not hungry", I argue back and he looks up at me and then back down to his food. "Cool, eat your food".

I roll my eyes and get up and go to the sofa. It's near the table so he can't shout at me. I'm still there technically. "Simon", JJ says and I look at him. He doesn't say anything but the look makes me crumble.

I get up and sit back opposite him and start munching on bits of pasta. "Thank you", JJ mumbles and he physically relaxes. I eat a lot more than I usually do and he smiles. He takes both our plates and starts to wash them but I get up and stop him.

"Let me wash them since you cooked", i say taking them off him and he grins at me before nodding. He walks off somewhere probably his room. I put the dishes out to dry and go to the sofa. I plop down feeling more full than I've ever felt. Maybe since I was a kid.

I miss being a kid, times were easier. This adult shit isn't fun, neither are the feelings and responsibilities. Oh to be a kid again.