Let the Record Show

Dennis Takes Charlie to Court

Philadelphia City Hall

"Order! Order!" The echo of the gavel silenced the numerous voices competing to be heard over the others, leaving a stunned collection of idiots before the Judge.

"Mr. Kelly," the Judge leaned over her bench, staring down Charlie Kelly. "You've elected to act as your own defense, correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

The Judge frowned, eyes fixed on Charlie smiling from the defense table, alone. Behind him, a toad-like man looking on through thick glasses, a younger man with sharp eyes fixed on the back of the defendant's head, and a blonde woman who was nervously chewing her nails. None of his friends seemed to agree with this decision, as they all looked to the Judge in a silent plea to reason with him.

"Mr. Kelly," the Judge tried again, "the accusations brought against you are serious ones. It is your right to request an attorney, at no cost to you."

The defendant released a hot breath, smile faltering as he glared across the room at the plaintiff's table. More specifically, the plaintiff's lawyer.

"My 'lawyer' decided he would rather get paid. So, no. I do not want a lawyer."

"Charlie," the lawyer cooed as he shook his head, mustache twitching and nervously blinking between the Judge and defendant. "We're family! I'm only representing Dennis because he's offered something you can't. Something more valuable than money."

Eyes amongst those in the front of the room looked to the plaintiff in curiosity. The plaintiff, hidden beneath a pair of sunglasses, kicked his lawyer beneath the table.

"Shut up!" He hissed.

"Enough!" The Judge looked back at Charlie. "Mr. Kelly, your defense does not have to be Mr. Kelly, uh, senior. We have other lawyers available, provided by the city that could review your case—"

"Your highness," Charlie raised his arms in defeat. "I'd rather take my chances and just get this over with."

Those behind the defendant scowled at his response.

"Don't interrupt me again," the Judge warned. "Alright, let's get this over with. We have Reynolds against Kelly. Mr. Reynolds, you are seeking damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress, assault and battery, assault with a deadly weapon, trespassing, and defamation. All for the compensation of... six months of the defendant's paycheck and a restraining order of one hundred feet. Is that all?"

The plaintiff's lawyer sat silently, staring at his lap having completely ignored all that had been said. The plaintiff nudged him, both whispering frantically under their breath. Even with the sunglasses, the Judge could sense Mr. Reynolds rolling his eyes as he assured: "Yes, yes that's correct."

The two continued to argue in hushed voices as the Judge turned back to the defendant. "Mr. Kelly you are countersuing for intentional infliction of emotional distress, assault and battery, and trespassing. You're seeking compensation of quarter ownership of the plaintiffs business, Paddy's Pub, a raise in pay to ten dollars an hour, and fifty dollars in cash. Jesus Christ, you wouldn't like to add defamation to make it even?"

"No ma'am, I can hear just fine."

The Judge frowned, watching as one of the defendant's supporters leaned over the back of Mr. Kelly's chair and tried whispering to him.

"Sir," the Judge warned, feeling her blood pressure rise. They've only been in court five minutes and she desperately needed something strong to drink.

"Sorry, your honor."

"Your honor," Charlie raised his hand to speak.

"Yes, Mr. Kelly."